Author: Mary Humphrey

Life coach. Author. Blogger. www.RelianceOutsourcing.com www.MaryHumphreyCoaching.com, www.HisPasturePress.com, www.AnniesGoatHill.com

Elder Abuse

Sadly, the term elder abuse is real, and it pops up regularly in today’s society. What can we do about it?

Thankfully, we are seeing teachings about elder abuse rise to the forefront. This may help many of us to become better advocates.

The elderly are typically much more vulnerable (e.g., mentally, physically, and economically), compared to younger adults, and I believe that they are less likely to report the abuse of any type.

We teach young children to report abuse (i.e., tell your teacher), and we teach them to know the difference between right and wrong treatment (i.e., what abuse looks like), but I believe an entire segment of our population also needs this education – those that are 60+ years old.

The fact is, the more that we know about abuse – how to recognize the signs of abuse, what to do if we are abused, and what to do if we suspect or know that someone else is experiencing abuse, the better our chances are at diminishing the abundance of abuse in our world today.

The first step in healing is calling it what it is, A.B.U.S.E.!

I have been a victim of elder abuse (by definition). I had to work through it and I learned to call it what it is. Abuse of any type is never okay (Can I say that enough?). Acknowledging that we have been abused and calling it by its name is a big part of healing from it.

Read more at Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Part 1 and Part 2

I cannot imagine being an elderly person, much older than I am, and dealing with abuse either physically or emotionally. Trauma from abuse can lead to mental and physical challenges, and the older the victim is, the harder it is to overcome these issues.

what is elder abuse?

Abuse falls into many categories: mental/emotional/psychological, physical, financial, neglect, and more.

When people hear the term elder abuse, they often think of it as something that happens to a frail person, 80+ years old, living alone and isolated or in a nursing home, mentally and physically unable to fight off the abuser, and unable or afraid to articulate the abuse to others. While this is often the case, there is much more to it.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) describes elder abuse as an intentional act or failure to act that causes or creates a risk of harm to an older adult. An older adult is someone aged 60 or older. The abuse occurs at the hands of a caregiver or a person the elder trusts (e.g., a family member, caregiver, friend, etc.).

Common types of elder abuse (per the CDC) include:

  • Physical abuse is when an elder experiences illness, pain, injury, functional impairment, distress, or death as a result of the intentional use of physical force and includes acts such as hitting, kicking, pushing, slapping, and burning.
  • Sexual abuse involves forced or unwanted sexual interaction of any kind with an older adult. This may include unwanted sexual contact or penetration or non-contact acts such as sexual harassment.
  • Emotional or Psychological Abuse refers to verbal or nonverbal behaviors that inflict anguish, mental pain, fear, or distress on an older adult. Examples include humiliation or disrespect, verbal and non-verbal threats, harassment, and geographic or interpersonal isolation.
  • Neglect is the failure to meet an older adult’s basic needs. These needs include food, water, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and essential medical care.
  • Financial Abuse is the illegal, unauthorized, or improper use of an elder’s money, benefits, belongings, property, or assets for the benefit of someone other than the older adult.

The National Council of Aging (NCOA) recognizes elder abuse as an issue for advocates. In Get the Facts on Elder Abuse the key takeaways are:

  • Elder abuse is a silent problem that robs seniors of their dignity, security, and—in some cases—costs them their lives.
  • Up to five million older Americans are abused every year, and the annual loss by victims of financial abuse is estimated to be at least $36.5 billion.
  • NCOA is working to advance legislation that funds the Elder Justice Act and elder abuse protections of the Older Americans Act.

NCOA’s description of elder abuse closely matches that of the CDC, with a few exceptions and additions :

  • Emotional abuse means verbal assaults, threats of abuse, harassment, or intimidation.
  • Confinement means restraining or isolating an older adult, other than for medical reasons.
  • Willful deprivation means denying an older adult medication, medical care, shelter, food, a therapeutic device, or other physical assistance, and exposing that person to the risk of physical, mental, or emotional harm—except when the older, competent adult has expressed a desire to go without such care.

Please visit each of these pages (CDC and NOCA) to learn more about elder abuse:

The Consequences of Elder Abuse

The ramification of elder abuse does not look much different than it does for any abuse victim, at any age. Abuse can have several physical and emotional effects on an older adult.

The emotional effects of elder abuse can include:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Distrust and feeling wary of others

The physical effects of elder abuse can include:

  • Minor injuries such as cuts, bruises, scratches, and welts
  • Major injuries to the head, broken bones, continuous physical pain

Any injury caused by abuse, including emotional and psychological abuse, can lead to premature death and can make any existing health challenges worse.

how to prevent elder abuse

I feel compelled to agree with the CDC, that the goal of elder abuse prevention is to stop it from happening in the first place, but the solutions are as complex as the problem.

Much of the prevention process depends upon the person’s residence and living status (e.g., living at home, residing in a nursing home, healthy and strong, having health conditions, having cognitive difficulties, etc.). So, I advise people to learn as much as possible about prevention from the CDC, NCOA, as well as sites such as agingcare.com and centerforpreventionofabuse.org.

Be Prepared

Forgiving a family member, close friend, etc., for abusing us is a personal decision.

I am a Christian, and I find it very easy to forgive. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean that we put ourselves in harm’s way. Forgiveness does not mean that we do not set boundaries. Forgiveness simply means that we remove hate, anger, and other soul-destroying feelings from our hearts and mind.

A part of setting boundaries is taking care of ourselves, and that includes being prepared ‘just in case’ we might be subjected to an abusive situation. I have learned that abusers can apologize profusely, and then they repeat their abusive actions and behavior.

I put together a ‘red letter contact list’ (phone numbers) to help me be prepared for any abusive or threatening situation:

  1. Two people that I will text a code to (if I am unable to call 911 or a local emergency number). These people are instructed to call the authorities for me, with no additional prompts from me.
  2. 911 or call the local county sheriff’s office phone number
  3. Local District Attorney’s office (for forms to complete a protective order)
  4. Local Elder Abuse 800 number
  5. Local Legal Aid phone number (protective order, restraining order, additional advice, etc.)
  6. Secure the locks and have additional physical safety devices on-hand (Stop them in their tracks!)
restraining order

Many of us hesitate to report that we are abused by a loved one, but if we never take the first step to stop the abuse, it may continue.

The Enlightened Mindset provides some clear-cut advice about restraining orders, as well as the filing and court hearing process.

“Overall, getting a restraining order is an important step in protecting yourself from harm or harassment. It is important to understand the process and know what to expect. With the right approach, you can get a restraining order quickly and safely.”

Know that getting a restraining order is not limited to the abuser’s physical behavior. Depending upon your state law, you may be able to obtain a restraining order based on the form of emotional and psychological abuse. Womens.Law.org explains, “Certain emotionally abusive acts may, in fact, qualify you for an order. For example, if an abuser threatens you or continually texts or calls you repeatedly without reason to do so, this could be considered enough to grant an order…Some states also recognize emotionally abusive acts as crimes, such as threats or public disturbances, for example.”

online harassment

Some online harassment, including doxing (or doxxing: publishing private information about the individual on the internet, with malicious intent), using electronic communication that causes fear of death or serious bodily injury, and even if the attempt is only to cause emotional distress (abuse!), can be punishable by law.

Learn more about this at The Reeves Law Group, Fact or Fiction: Doxing Someone Can Get You Arrested.

“Most victims of doxing should also look to their state law. Much of the conduct that is considered “doxing” may fall under multiple state laws relating to cyber-stalking, stalking, harassment, threats, or extortion (e.g., threatening to make information public if money is not paid). A doxer can also be charged if he illegally obtained the data about his victim, such as from protected government databases.”

Wrapping it Up

I hope your life is free from any abusive situations.

Have you experienced adult abuse? I welcome you to share your tips and thoughts in the comments.

Encouraging Others vs. People-Pleasing

What we do to encourage others, and to pray for one another, looks much different compared to people-pleasing.

When we pray for others and encourage them, we use our God-given gifts, and we give others hope. It creates a ripple effect, a positivity that is passed from person to person.

This isn’t about fixing another person or trying to make them happy so that we feel a sense of happiness (i.e., a co-dependent trait). It also is not about keeping the peace. Rather, it is a way ‘of being,’ a way of fulfilling the popular meme, Be. Kind.

When we encourage others we live our lives, including our work lives, as if we operated as a ministry…and actually, isn’t that what a Godly life is about?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV) 

I hope you enjoy what I am bringing to this site. In 2023, my goal is to write some 'shorter' posts and mix them in with the longer types that I usually publish. God Bless!

When God Answers Our Prayers

Testimonial time!

I have once again been reminded that God answers our prayers in ways that we least expect, and we should never expect him to answer our prayers in the manner in which we believe they will be answered.

The key word in my first paragraph above is ‘expect.’ To expect something, we believe it is likely to happen, or that someone or something will arrive soon. While both of these beliefs are biblically correct – we should believe that our prayers will be answered, and we should believe, as Christians, that Jesus is coming, but it is not correct to expect that our prayers will be answered in a way that our human minds imagines it to happen.

I have been praying for two answers for this coaching ministry. It would be unethical for me to tell you what these two things are, but I received answers to both prayer requests yesterday. Yes, all in one day.

The first answer came from a book that I finished. I took a nap afterward, and I woke to revelation. The second answer to prayer came from a YouTube video that I commented on. The YouTube creator published a video that was addressed to me specifically, but he did not give my name. He called me “a lady who is a life coach.” On a side note, I was elated that I gave the man something that he could talk about in his video. Sometimes, topics are hard to come by for creators. But then, the answer to my prayer came through his words.

On a personal note: Big sigh. I have been sick for a week. I do not have COVID-19, which was proven by three negative tests at home, and one in the doctor’s office last Saturday. My husband and I have had it twice, though – once in July 2020 and the second time in July 2022. But, I digress.

Testimonial time again! It seems like when I slow down, usually, when I am sick, I receive revelations. I hear God’s voice once I let go of what troubles me. That is entirely another topic and blog/vlog! I even called in sick today in my personal part-time position, because my eyes are blurry, I am not thinking well, and I do not have a voice (and more). But, here I am, sick…finished my freelance writing client work yesterday and I released myself to get better, and to get it accomplished before Christmas weekend, and within an hour of doing so, I had answers to prayer. Answers to prayer that was long-awaited, concise, and clearly heard!

Sisters, I have always preached that God answers our prayers in three ways; yes, no, and later. But, what I have never said (that I can remember) is that he will answer our prayers in the least way we expect. I should remember this, as I have received answers to prayer in some strange ways and places!

God assures us in Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV): Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

The answers to my prayers have been unsearchable. I spent precious time searching for what was to come – his response to my prayers within several hours on the same day.

Heavenly Father, There is none other but you. I praise you for being my protector and loving me even when I feel undeserving. You have answered my prayers in your perfect timing and I receive them clearly. The Holy Spirit prompts me to work in your grace but to get the job done that he has directed me to complete. I am honored, and even in the times I feel disqualified, I know that you are my strength, and you have given me the power to step forward. I love you so very much. I lift up my voice in praise! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Gaslighting | You Are Too Sensitive

My husband lied to me. In fact, I am sure he is cheating on me. It hurts. I tried to talk with him to explain how much it devastates me, but he replied, “You are too sensitive.” I know that I have a soft heart. I want my relationship to work out. I want to do what is right. Why do I feel so confused? Am I too sensitive – could he be right?

If this scenario hits home with you, you might be a victim of gaslighting.

What is Gaslighting

Feeling sensitive to something that we should have emotions for, like trauma or relationship issues, is a sign that we are mentally healthy. This is not what a narcissistic person wants us to believe so they use a form of manipulation called gaslighting in an attempt to convince us otherwise. Gaslighting is typically emotional abuse that leads the victim away from their own reality, i.e., questioning “Am I too sensitive? Could he be right? I am confused! I feel like I am losing my mind.”

Is Gaslighting Emotional Abuse?

Is gaslighting always emotional abuse? No, but gaslighting is always manipulative.

Do you know someone that refuses to be wrong? This person might be self-centered, and they might believe that everyone should like/feel/believe what they do, but they might not entirely have a narcissistic personality. They may possess empathy. So, when this person wants to prove themselves right, they might resort to gaslighting, “You are crazy to not believe in this!” While this is an example of manipulative language, it typically is said out of an emotional reaction versus intentional, and it is not used as a tool to mess with a person’s mental reality (i.e. emotionally abusive).

Typically, emotionally abusive gaslighting terms are used to validate a narcissist’s own behavior and to deflect the blame onto their victim.

Common Gaslighting Terms

Here are some common gaslighting statements similar to “You are too sensitive”:

Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

There is a personality trait called HSP (highly sensitive people), studied by Dr. Elaine Aaron, and other professionals. HSP is not a disorder or a condition. It is thought that people (compared to non-sensitive people in the general population) with HSP have an increased or deeper central nervous system that is extremely sensitive to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Studies have not pinpointed the cause of HSP, but it is thought to comprise 15-20% of the population.

If your sensitivity disrupts your day, or if it leaves you dysfunctional, seek professional help – seek a therapist or a counselor. I am not suggesting that everyone that feels sensitive needs to seek therapy. There is a huge difference between having a big heart versus struggling with the ability to behave or react appropriately because you are too sensitive.

Develop an Awareness to Combat Gaslighting

The best way to combat gaslighting is to develop a higher awareness of what is being said. What does the narcissist’s gaslighting really mean? What are they really saying/thinking?

I am not suggesting that you sit around and think about gaslighting 24/7, but I am suggesting that you process it when it happens. Go beyond the surface. What are they really saying/thinking? What is the true meaning behind their statements that I am too sensitive? What are they trying to accomplish by saying this to me?

Develop a mindset that denotes, “Yes, I am hurting. These (gaslighting) statements do go straight to my core, but to grasp what is really going on, I must unravel the truth.” Once you determine the truth, your (realistic and healing) work begins.

What To Do (when You Are Gaslit with “You are too sensitive”)

Ask yourself the question, are you too sensitive? In complete reality, should you be upset, or is it reasonable in your circumstances to feel upset?

Again, take a look at what the person gaslighting you is really saying. What are they trying to accomplish by saying you are overly sensitive? Are they attempting to contort reality?

As you ask yourself these questions, I want you to let go of any desire to be right or wrong. It does not matter if you are right or wrong. There is no need to argue.

Ask you dig in and ask these questions, pay attention to your level of sensitivity but do not accuse yourself of being oversensitive. Allow yourself to feel anything that you are feeling – do not block your feelings. Do not brush your feelings under a rug. Denial is not healthy, and it doesn’t get you anywhere.

Intuition is a great tool. When something feels wrong, it typically is wrong. So, when you feel a sense of hurt, shock, abandonment, or frustration over someone’s behavior, lack of empathy, or gaslighting, have some compassion for yourself.

Healing reality will set in once you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, and you accept that the gaslighter’s behavior is wrong.

Talk to Others

One of the worst things that you can do is to not talk with others about your circumstances.

It can be difficult to step out and talk with others, especially if you are doubting yourself, and if you do not know who to trust. But, the longer you hold the issue that you are having inside, the longer it takes to heal, and the more difficult it becomes to sort it out – it simply becomes overwhelming.

Who can you talk to? A trusted friend, a mental health professional, or a life coach. If you cannot afford to hire a relationship life coach, consider hiring one that is still in training. Coaches who are in training are often looking for clients, and are willing to coach pro-bono or at a deep discount.

Join a local or online support group. Look for groups that keep your identity private and anonymous.

You might consider Meetup.com. Most groups meet once a month and many meet in private and safe areas. Check out this page for Emotional Abuse groups on Meetup.com (and then, narrow your search down to groups in your local community). 

Action Step - Prayer Time for Women:

I want you to see the truth - how God sees you!

I want you to continue to pray if you are in an abusive situation. Abuse is never okay. 

Psalms 120-134 touched my heart. They were sung by people as they traveled to the temples for annual feasts. Each psalm points to a step along the journey in a distant land in hostile surroundings. (If you are in the midst of manipulative gaslighting by a narcissist, you are also in a hostile situation.)

Here are a couple of the psalms that particularly spoke out to me:

Psalm 120:7
I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war. 

Psalm 121:1-2
I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Heavenly Father, 

These psalms lifted my heart. They spoke to me as if my name were written on them. 

I am for peace, but the one that troubles me is not. As I decipher his words, the words that sting my heart, please help me to have the wisdom that I need to keep my feet on the path that you have designed for me. Help me to be the one that you created me to be - not one that desires to fulfill an evil role. 

My help comes from you, and you alone. Even when the help comes from the mouth of man, it is still help carried through a message from you. I am grateful for this!

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

(If you refer to yourself as being Christian, and even if you do not, I hope you find "Prayer Time for Women" helpful.)

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a real thing. It is a painful thing when it happens, and it happens to all of us. It is normal.

Imposter syndrome typically involves thoughts that resemble I don’t feel like I know what I am doing. I feel as if I am not supposed to be here. They are soon going to figure out that I do not know what I am doing.

The feelings of being an imposter typically come on when we are doing something new. But, sometimes imposter syndrome happens after we have been doing the same thing for a while.

The Cycle – Working Harder (and Mental Challenges)
I was at a party when someone was talking about several well-known individuals who had taken their own lives, “I just don’t understand with all of that money and success why they would not want to be on this earth. Why wouldn’t they have enough self-confidence to realize that they had a really good thing going on?”

I carefully responded with my own thoughts. I think part of it is imposter syndrome. It can lead people to work harder and harder, just to keep up with the image of who they are. I have to keep up with who I am – just to have the personification of who I am. If I don’t, they (my fans, follower, etc.) are going to discover that I am not who they truly think I am. It becomes a consuming cycle – one that is difficult to live with. It can be exhausting, and it can lead to mental challenges, including drug or alcohol abuse.

Freezing in Place – Or Quitting
Imposter syndrome can hold people back from obtaining their goals, and it can freeze people in place. It can lead people to take steps backward and say, “I cannot do this anymore. This really isn’t me.”

We Are Unique Creations (Equipped by God)
There is nobody else more equipped in life to take on our roles in life than ourselves. We are given our gifts and our talents to carry out this duty. We are a unique creation from God, with unique life experiences, and subsequent gifts, talents, and strengths.

There may be people in the world that are similar to us, but they aren’t who we are. Nobody can bring to the world what we bring to the world.

Nobody has the same childhood, the same set of experiences, the same education. Nobody can fill our shoes in the respect of what God has asked us to do. Our calling and our goals are ours alone.

At first, when I was looking for a niche for this coaching business, all that I knew at that time was that I wanted to help women reach their goals. I wanted to help women bridge the gap (between where they are today and where they want to be). It sounded like real coaching terms, and they were real coaching terms, but I didn’t have a niche. Pastor Vince, my trainer, said to me, “Mary, you will find that niche, but until then your unique coaching business is you. You’re coming to this business with your experience. You’re coming to this business with your God-given talents and your God-given knowledge. There is nobody that can fill those shoes for you. You are the one designed to do this job, and that’s what makes Mary Humphrey Coaching unique.“

Perfection is a Four Letter Word
You are unique. You are not supposed to be perfect. And this is where narcissism can play into imposter syndrome. Have you ever been gaslighted with: “You aren’t good enough to do that,” “How do you dare do that in your life,” ” Look at the problems you have in your life, people don’t know who you really are”? Do not be sucked into the negative trap of believing these words!

Who you are is a gifting from God. Even if the bad experiences in your life create who you are today. It makes you the expert. It makes you the one who is driven to go out and do what you are doing today. It makes you the perfect person, not a perfect person, for the role that you are endeavored to complete – and that role might simply be to just be you!

Remember that perfect doesn’t happen. We aren’t designed to be perfect. We were designed to pick up our feet and do what we are being led to do. It does not include perfect. It includes always learning. We are always growing. We’ll never reach a state of perfection. That is is our goal!

I had a conversation with an entrepreneur who now has annual revenues in the 2 to 5 million dollar range. She talked about solopreneurs and how difficult it is to get away from the imposter syndrome. In her words, “It is real.” Even after many years, more than a decade of owning her business, she still experiences imposter syndrome from time to time.

She described imposter syndrome like a roller coaster. One day you are riding in the car going downhill and having so much fun. It feels thrilling. You are filled with enthusiasm and encouragement, “This is so much fun! I want to do this every single day of my life!” Then, the car may coast along for a while. You’re neither going up or downhill. All is well. And then, the chain starts to tighten up, and you’re tugging back up a hill. As you near the top, the car creeps along. It feels like a struggle. In comes imposter syndrome, “Oh my gosh, these people are going to figure out who I really am. Oh my gosh, am I equipped to do this job? Maybe I should just give up now. Maybe I should be doing this at all. I need to get out (of this car) now!”

The Invisible Lies that We Hear
So, there’s a couple of things going on here. One is that we are believing the little whisperings that are landing in our ears (especially if we consider ourselves Christian and we are walking in the path that we feel God has placed under our feet). It is spiritual warfare that we are up against.

We cannot believe the lies that we hear. Even if other people, such as a partner, or our children or parents, are telling us that we cannot be doing what we are doing, or that we are not worthy of that, we cannot listen to that. We cannot listen to the little lies that we hear in our head, because we are who we are. We are designed to do what we’re doing. It doesn’t matter what other people think.

Again, we have a unique set of experiences, and a unique relationship with God, and nobody else can replace that. Nobody else can do that. This is you, and yours alone.

Allow Your Heart to Lead You
What can you do to get rid of that feeling, the sense that you do not feel you have the right to be here? The first step is to let your heart lead. You don’t need to fit into a particular box. Just be you. And that is more than good enough.

Avoid the Push of Achievement
You may have grown up with a family, or maybe some of your friends, your peers, or people on social media who just look like they are so successful, but their success isn’t your model of success. You may not want to make a 6-figure income. You may only want to help others in a specific way. You may have a goal that doesn’t involve money. Even if people claim to be experts at what goals you need or must reach, only you know what you need to do. People are not the experts in your life. You don’t have to feel the push of achievement. You know what you need to do in life to get where you want to go, and you should do it one step at a time.

Just Be You – Not People-Led
You don’t have to take on one particular role to make other people happy. All you have to do is just be you. JUST BE YOU.

If you are a believer, then you are God-led. Not people-led.

Open Up – Talk with Those that Support You
So, how do you face the feelings of imposter syndrome? Open up and talk with those that support you. Talk to the people that you trust the most, those that have your back. Tell them how you are feeling. Ask them how they see you. It is okay to admit that you are having some doubts. That is perfectly fine—it is healthy!

Your Unique Why – Create an Outline
Sometimes writing our thoughts down helps us to find clarity. List out what your experiences are. How did you get where you are today? Even if you felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit to do what you doing, list that. List out your knowledge. List what you might still be learning. This will help you to remember (and create an outline of) what you do well and uniquely. You do all of this better than anyone else because it is yours!

You don’t have to look like the other entrepreneur, the other life coach, or the other author or speaker. You just need to look like yourself and be genuine to yourself.

Think about the things in your life that you could incessantly talk about for 30 minutes, and try to relate that to what you are doing, or your goals in life. As an example, as a life coach, there are several topics that I could talk about for 30 minutes without ceasing because they are dear to my heart and because I know this is the path that I am supposed to be on. So, what things in life can you talk passionately about for 30 minutes (or even 10, 20, or 25 minutes)? Include these things in our outline. Hello to the real you – goodbye to the imposter!

You’re on the right path, you’re not an imposter! Live your unique life exactly as you know you should. Just be true to yourself.

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.

Imposter syndrome is a natural and common phenomenon. It can occur due to low self-esteem and depression is not common (but can be associated). Please seek professional assistance for chronic depression, or any mental struggles that interrupt your ability to function in life.

Why People Do Not Believe the Victims (of Narcissistic Abuse)

Dealing with abuse from a narcissist is difficult enough for a victim, but it often feels much more overwhelming after the emotionally abused soul shares their situation with someone that they feel they can trust—only to discover that they are not believed. Why does this happen?

In my experience, these are the five most common reasons that victims of narcissistic abuse are not believed:

1. Narcissists Defend Narcissists

Narcissists are on guard and prepared to defend their innocence, and they typically defend the behavior of others who have narcissistic tendencies.

You have likely heard the adage it takes one to know one. Narcissists do not always tolerate self-centered behavior in others, but in defense and support of their behavior, they are more tolerant.  

It is human nature to seek peers who possess like-minded behaviors, beliefs, and values—narcissistic or not!

2. Double Character of a Narcissist

Narcissists are skilled at playing cool. To the outside world, they appear as charming and loving people, yet they are classically an entirely different character behind closed doors. The world sees the good person but seldom sees the abuser, leaving victims of emotional abuse misunderstood and doubted.

Narcissists thrive on feeling special, as this is their driving force in life. To protect this model of life, they lie, cheat, and they steal their victim’s innocence to use as their own.

Twisting the story is a way of life for a narcissist. They are good at it. They perfect this skill to the degree that people have difficultly believing the victim because the narcissist appears to be a person of good character.

3. Emotional Victim

The mental strain that people experience when they are under the duress of manipulative abuse is monumental. When victims are in these relationships for a length of time, especially years and decades, it can play havoc on their sense of reality and emotions. As a result, some victims can appear to be emotional, meaning, their feelings are easily stirred up and displayed.

Sadly, these emotional victims are often confused, and yes, heartbroken. They have spent much of their time trying to hold their relationship, family, and themselves together, and sometimes they have no idea what they are dealing with (narcissism). Depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief play a toll on the victim, and this is often misunderstood and becomes the point of blame of the narcissist and/or others.

4. Two Sides to Every Story Belief

Have you heard the popular saying that there are two sides to every story? In many relationships, this may ring true, but not so much in a relationship involving a narcissist.

The two sides to every story mindset leads people to blame the victim for the abuse. Love relationships require give and take, mostly give and forgive, but, a narcissist sees life as one-way only, with the arrow pointing to themselves. This situation often holds the victim back from seeking help, or from exposing abusive behavior for fear that they will not be believed.

5. Narcissists Blame the Victim

Narcissists often blame their target for the abusive behavior, “They had to have done something wrong,” or, “They brought that upon themselves.” They often accuse the victim of lying, “They are the abuser, not me!” or, “I am the one being mistreated/neglected!”

Blame-shifting is a common tool used by a controlling person to dodge responsibility for their behavior.

Unfortunately, gaslighting is also a significant tool used by manipulative people to shift blame and to cause the target to question their judgment or reality, and this can lead the victim to feel as if nobody will believe their story if they should tell it.

Some common gaslighting terms:

  • You are crazy
  • You are too sensitive
  • You made that up
  • Are you losing your mind?
  • I never said/did that
  • Nobody will ever believe you
  • Everybody knows that you have a problem

Our Role in This

Only .5 to 1 percent of the general population, and 50-75 percent are men, is diagnosed with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). With this being said, people with narcissistic traits and behaviors are much more common than those diagnosed with the disorder.

Our role in this is to spread the word about emotional abuse. We must define what it looks it, so victims understand that it has a name and that they are not alone in the world with someone acting the part of a narcissist.

It isn’t about finger-pointing, “They are a narcissist!” That does not work. It is about helping others (the targets) know what the markers are, and what they can do to heal. In three short words – we must educate!

Action Step: Prayer Time for Women:

For the Lord gives wisdom, from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6 NIV)

Heavenly Father, 

In my eyes, wisdom is greater than a gift of gold and silver. With wisdom, I am empowered to make good use of my knowledge, my mind, and the actions that I take. 

So many are suffering in this world from abusive behavior, and it only seems to be growing worse. Today, I ask for a helping of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so that I can help others who are facing difficulties in life. 

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen

To help others - pray for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. If you are in an abusive situation - pray for clarity, and for God to show you his desires for your life. Pray for safety. Pray for steadfastness, in his name. Seek, knock, believe and find!

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.

How to Identify and Align to Your Core Values

I love to talk about and work from core values in my coaching because so much of what we do in life is (and should be) based on our personal core values, such as the action steps that we take, decisions that we make, and how we react to certain situations.

Our beliefs, values, and ideas make up the foundation that we should be living mentally healthy lives by.

Identity vs. Core Values

You might be wondering what is the difference between identity and core values.

Identity is our qualities, beliefs, personality, and the overall mission that we follow in life (such as a Christian identity in Christ). Identity is also how we see ourselves.

Our core values are what we live life by. Our values reflect the things that matter most to us.

Why Core Values Matter

When we are aligned with our core values, we live our lives with clarity and direction.

When we are unsure of our core values we live our lives feeling as if something is just not right. In life situations, misaligned core values cause us to feel confused like something is missing, and this tends to bring on feelings of stress and unhappiness.

When we do not know our core values, or when we are not aligned with them, we may not live our lives with healthy mental boundaries. We end up with all sorts of mental discomfort because we allow circumstances in our lives that are not healthy for us, and this often happens before we are aware.

Guard Your Affections

“Above all else, guard your affections, for they influence everything else in your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Let’s talk about affections. Affections are the things that you care about deeply (from your heart). Affections are the things that you love and you guard with your life.

Affections are not personal property or material things.

This verse speaks to me that we must make sure that we are being led by the values that we hold in our hearts.

We can feel many things in our hearts. We can feel discontent, for example, and this may lead us to think, Whoa, wait a minute, this isn’t like me! Or, you might take notice, There’s something wrong with this picture.

We should base our foundation of how we live our lives, as well as our emotional health, on our core values. Every choice that we make in life should be based on our values.

When we look at Proverbs 4:23 again, we can also say that it teaches us to be true to ourselves—be true to our core values, and especially be true to who we are in Christ Jesus.

Discover Your Core Values

Coaching (question asking) is a wonderful tool for learning about ourselves, and for determining if we are (or are not) aligned with our core values. The number of questions that we can dive into is limitless, but today we are covering just a few. (Stay tuned for future PDF worksheets that you can subscribe to.)

If you consider yourself a Christian, answer the additional portions of the questions that reference God or Christ, etc. If you are not a Christian, no problem, you can skip that part of the questions, or answer the questions based on the higher power that you believe in or pray to.

  1. I want you to list the top things in your life that you would never stop doing regardless of what someone else says or believes. For example, if you love the Lord Jesus Christ, you may be dedicated to never stop growing for him, and you may believe that nobody can stand in the way of your faith. Additional examples: You might be devoted to life-long learning. You may be highly focused and dedicated to personal and professional development. These are the things that you will not give up to anyone or anything.
  2. Think about the past 20 years and list 5 to 10 characteristics of you when you were at your best…when you were living your best self out of your values. You weren’t feeling any confusion, discontent, or stress at this time. You may not have been living the same core values that you do today, but you were aligned with your values and this brought peace and a sense of personal soundness into your life. For example, you have been fully devoted to a ministry, to putting God first in your life, to a business that served people, or to a consistent balance between life and work or a business.
  3. List the top 10 values that you believe are required to lead a successful and full life. Write this as though you are leading future generations. Remember, success is subjective. What you value as success does not need to match what someone else considers a success (no need to mirror or compare here).
  4. Do you see any similarities in your answers so far? You may have pinpointed your core values already. We can learn a lot about ourselves at this point!
  5. What do you value? Try to choose at least 5 things that you value. You may value something that you do not see on this list, so go ahead and write it down! (The list of core values is included at the bottom of this blog.)
  6. Return to the values that you selected in step 5. Determine your top 5 values and list them. These are your core values. Are you still seeing similarities in your responses in this exercise? Most of us do, and this is so freeing (to know our core values). It helps us reaffirm who we are in our lives (or who we are in Christ Jesus).

As you answer the following questions, you should be able to literally use your list of core values as your guide. When you are aligned with your core values, your life focus hones right into place.

Would your friends or family members be able to guess what y our top values are based on your lifestyle? Do they reflect a Jesus-led life?

When you look at your daily or weekly activities, how do they reflect on your values? What changes can you make to align with your core values?

What do you want to achieve today to align with your core values? What do you want to achieve in the future (a month, or a year from now) to align with your core values?

I do not want you to live a life of confusion or discontent. I want you to align with your core values. Remember that small steps are just as important as those that are large…in fact, lasting change is often found when we engage in small steps!

Mission Statement

Consider writing a values-driven mission statement. Create a short statement that includes your top core values…nothing lengthy.

Example: Your top values are faithfulness, commitment, and peace.

To help women build strong foundations in faith and commitment so that they find and live in the true freedom found in God’s peace.

Your mission statement can be business or personal-based.

We Change All the Time

Keep your core values and your mission statement (if you should choose to create one) in a handy place. Review them months from now, or even a year or more from now.

As we learn, as we grow as women, our core values shift. It is okay to pivot or to reinvent yourself. With your most recent core values under your belt, and with God at your side, you will have the best compass to lead your life!

Have you worked with core values before? If yes, how did it help you?

Core Values List (see question 5)

  • Authenticity
  • Achievement
  • Adventure
  • Authority
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Beauty
  • Boldness
  • Compassion
  • Challenge
  • Citizenship
  • Community
  • Competency
  • Contribution
  • Creativity
  • Curiosity
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Faith
  • Fame
  • Friendships
  • Fun
  • Growth
  • Happiness
  • Honesty
  • Humor
  • Influence
  • Inner Harmony
  • Justice
  • Kindness
  • Knowledge
  • Leadership
  • Learning
  • Love
  • Loyalty
  • Meaningful Work
  • Openness
  • Optimism
  • Peace
  • Pleasure
  • Poise
  • Popularity
  • Recognition
  • Religion
  • Reputation
  • Respect
  • Responsibility
  • Security
  • Self-Respect
  • Service
  • Spirituality
  • Stability
  • Success
  • Status
  • Trustworthiness
  • Wealth
  • Wisdom
Action Step - Prayer Time for Women:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

Heavenly Father, 

I try to live my life in a manner that reflects you, but I sometimes fall short. Please increase my faith to help me avoid distractions, such as the lies that the enemy whispers in my ear, or the busyness of life itself which acts as a distraction. 

You created me a unique person, and you gave me a destiny that is mine, and mine alone. I praise you, Father, for doing this for me. 

Please guide me to focus on the characteristics that you created for me to live my life by. I want to be the best that I can be as I serve you. Please unlock my heart and open my eyes so that I find my identity in you, and you alone. 

Please give me the wisdom to walk the path that aligns with the vision that you have for my future. 

In Jesus' name, 

Amen

How to Overcome a Victim Mentality

Photo of open door. How to overcome a victim mentality. www.maryhumphreycoaching.com

What is victim mentality? It is an acquired personality trait in which a person resides in a continual state of belief that they are a victim of the negative actions of others. People with a victim mentality believe that this is their reality even if evidence exists that is contrary to their beliefs.

What victim mentality can look like in day to day to life is a person that is engrossed in blaming other people for the way that they behave or feel, rather than taking responsibility for their actions. The ‘victim’ fails to realize that they should have a mindset of being in control of their thoughts and emotions, and have a personal dialogue that resembles this: I can only be who I am. _______’s behavior cannot force me into feeling distraught (upset, angry, frustrated, etc.). Regardless of what they are doing, feeling, or saying, I have control of my reactions. I am not the victim…I am fully in charge of ME!

Victim Mentality Erodes Emotional Well-Being

Having a victim mentality can erode our emotional well-being. Those that possess a victim mentality are often frustrated and angry. They trudge through life mentally stomping and dragging their feet. They often verbalize that they are having a horrible day (or life) because someone has mistreated them so badly, yet, they typically do not stop and realize that they are the one that can live in the moment and have a mindset that permeates with contentment and joy regardless of the thoughts or words of others. They fail to take ownership of their own emotions.

My Own Story

My personal story about victim mentality took place in the corporate world. The owner of the business where I was employed worked offsite. He often got upset with those of us that managed his in-person offices.

Frequently, we started our mornings in receipt of “big red-letter emails.” It got to the point that I hated to turn my computer on. I constantly thought that my world was going to end, right there in that office. This was an extreme exaggeration on my part, of course, but I felt every inch of it.

I allowed the huge capitalized red letter emails to ruin my day(s) and my nights. I constantly waited for the ball of doom to drop even though I was a good worker. I operated that back-office totally in charge, and I did my very best. I never received any threat or indication that my job was on the line. It was a perceived threat, not a real one that I could validate.

At that time, I was meeting with a life coach (outside of my job). In one of our sessions, she asked me if she could tell me what she was thinking, and of course, I said yes. She said, “You have got to drop this victim mentality! You are not a victim of your boss. You are a victim of yourself!” Say what (?!), I thought. Indeed, I had allowed myself to believe that I was a victim of my boss’s irrational rantings!

That moment changed the trajectory of my thoughts. I realized that I was giving control of my mind, my mood, my reactions, and my thoughts, over to my boss. He didn’t possess any of that! Instead, I was giving that to him by claiming a bad mood, anger, frustration, and sometimes fear, by allowing his behavior to permeate my truth. The truth was that he was the one that was angry and paranoid, but that did not mean that he could force me into feeling the same.

I am a conqueror and NOT a victim. This is my mindset. You can also shirk your victim mentality and own your feelings and reactions.

Ask yourself these questions (To Identify Victim Mentality)

Do you dramatize your problems?

Are you always the one that gets the bad deal, or the short end of the stick?

Are you always the one that has bad things happen in your life?

Do you fail to see the good that happens in your life?

Do you engage in a lot of negative self-talk?

Do you see your life as one big catastrophe because of someone else’s words, thoughts, or behavior?

Do you engage in a lot of negative self-talk?

Do you feel mentally powerless to your circumstances?

Do you have a victim mentality?

You are not powerless

If you were to step up to the plate today and drop all of your feelings that are associated with another person’s behavior, what is the worst thing that could happen to you right now? What is the likelihood of that one thing happening?

In most situations, you can do one or several small things to make life better right now. It may take one hundred steps to make everything completely better, but you can always find one minuscule thing that you can change. Focus on the things that you can change, and that typically means a change in yourself.

We cannot change other people. That is a fact. Our role in life is not to change other people, but we take our power back when we implement change in ourselves. You have control over your emotions, your thoughts, and your beliefs. Nobody can regulate that but you.

You are blessed with the ability to choose who you want to be and how you process the actions of others.

How To Stop feeling Like a Victim

To stop feeling like a victim, develop a mindset that you are not limited to how you feel when a person chooses to act in a manner that might upset you. You do not have to be that victim. You do not have to exist in that negative mentality.

See yourself as a strong person that lives in your own reality. You choose to live with joy and thankfulness regardless of what others choose to live by.

By taking responsibility for your thoughts and reactions, you conquer the victim mentality. The moment we stop blaming other people and things in the world for our feelings and emotions, we adopt a winning role. Suddenly, the world looks much better.

It requires work to control our mindset but changing our thought pattern results in much more than a mental alternation. When we think positive thoughts, the stress hormone cortisol decreases. In turn, the brain creates serotonin, a hormone that stabilizes our mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness, in response to our positive emotions.

You aren’t what you think (you are what you believe and how you live your life), but what you think continuously can eventually change who you are. You can choose to be a victim in this world, or you can choose victory. Once you make the winning choice, you will find positive things drifting back into your life. They were always there, but you have now shifted your mindset and removed the blinders.

Final Notes: Abuse is a real thing. Abuse is never okay. If you are in an abusive situation, seek help. Take care of youself! Nobody deserves abuse. 

Action Step - Prayer Time for Women:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

do not sway this way or that...and always wear your full set of armor...check the spirits...only things that are of God 

Heavenly Father, 

You teach us to not sway this way or that so that we remain upright and focused on your word. You teach us to always wear the full armor of God so that we are protected from the enemy, for he knows how we are weak. You teach us to check the spirits so that we do not absorb the messages and words of this world...instead we compare them to your word, and we ensure that we only give our attention to things that are noble, right, pure, and praiseworthy. 

Thank you, Father, for your love and instruction. 

Please increase the Holy Spirit in me so that I may continue to guard my heart and focus on the things in life that you desire, and not on things (of this world) that are unworthy of praise. 

Today, I do not claim to be the victim of the evil one or his followers. I claim victory over any of their schemes! I cannot do this alone...not without you. 

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.

Forgiveness | Forgiving a Narcissist

Forgiveness is a tough subject for many people. It is frequently misunderstood.

What is the definition of the word forgive? Per Mirriam-Webster, the definition of forgive is 1) to cease to feel resentment against (an offender), 2a) to give up resentment of or claim to requital, b) to grant relief from payment of.

Requital is giving something in return, or in compensation of. This means that when we are in complete forgiveness, we release the person we are forgiving from owing us anything.

In simple language, forgiveness is an act of letting it go, and the ‘it’ in this is anger, hate, malice, and the desire to be compensated for whatever behavior or act we are forgiving.

Forgiveness Initiates Healing

In this blog, we are focusing on the forgiveness of narcissistic and/or emotional abuse that we have been subjected to, which is typically difficult to forgive. Healing, however, becomes obtainable once we release and forgive toxicity.

Non-Forgiveness is Destructive

Non-forgiveness can be harmful. When we do not forgive, we harbor certain feelings and emotions, such as hurt, shock, anger, and frustration, all of which can eat away at our mental and physical well-being.

When we forgive, we release toxicity from our minds. When we forgive, we choose peace.

Forgiveness is a Choice (to Release)

Forgiveness is a choice. It requires thought and action.

Forgiveness does not validate abusive or manipulative behavior. When we forgive, we are not saying that narcissistic behavior is okay, instead, we pardon any or all maltreatments that we may have experienced and we no longer expect anything in return from the narcissist.

Giving Grace

Forgiveness may sound like we are giving grace, and in many ways, I feel that is a chunk of it. I believe, both humanely and biblically, that we must love regardless of behavior.

Loving does not mean that we subject ourselves to more abuse, quite the opposite. We give grace, release any hate or malice that we may have held in our heart, which gets us into position to pray for the person, and to be who we need to be as we walk in life (without any bitterness, or spreading of toxicity to others).

We pray because everyone is worthy of healing. Whether or not an abuser heals is not our decision to make. We pray that our response reflects love, but that does not mean that we subject ourselves to harm and/or additional abusive emotional or physical situations.

We give grace because God gives us grace, and we honor each other as human beings regardless of any choices that we have made in life. We give grace out of courteous goodwill.

Notice how grace looks nothing like hate or malice?

Anger and Frustration is Okay for a Time

It is okay to feel anger for a time, and short-term feelings of frustration can be healthy. It is okay to experience these emotions and feelings as long as we do not let them destroy us.

We learn much from feelings of anger and frustration. Both etch into our awareness the need for change in our lives. For example, it could be time to instill physical or mental boundaries. When we recognize anger and frustration in ourselves, we become grounded in reality.

Saying I Forgive You to a Narcissist

If you tell a narcissist that you have forgiven them, they may lash out in anger. They may gaslight you, i.e., “You are crazy!” “You are out of your mind!” “You are the one that needs to be forgiven.” “You are the abuser!”

Narcissists typically do not take responsibility for their behavior, and if they do acknowledge their behavior, they will justify it. So, they do not easily accept offers of forgiveness, and they respond with, “What do you mean you forgive me? I have not done anything wrong.”

If a narcissistic or emotionally abusive person in your life pushes back at your forgiveness, continue to forgive. This means you will continue to heal, and you are one step closer to a sense of peace. It may not happen today, but it will happen. Remember, you must take care of yourself. You have to release toxicity. You must let it go.

Self-Care and Kindness

Another aspect of forgiveness is to allow yourself self-care. You allow kindness towards both yourself and others. But how does this look different than grace?

Self-care is much different than grace in the respect that we must not give so much of ourselves that we run dry. We must remember that we cannot fix another person ourselves. Only that person (and God) can set healing in place if the narcissist confesses to and accept that their behavior is wrong and that they also seek and agree to professional help.

Remember, professional treatment seldom helps a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Read more on this topic here.

If you are codependent, you may lack healthy boundaries. You may fail to recognize that you are not responsible for the happiness of others in your life. This may often lead you to want, or feel responsible for the fixing of others in your life. When you cannot help, it can feel like your vital air supply is cut off. This may lead you to forgo self-care, to completely give everything that you have to a relationship or a person that emotionally is unable to give back, leaving you high and dry with nothing.

Read more about codependency here.

This is a tough situation, but you must let it go. You must forgive. You must take care of yourself. Feel whatever you are feeling for a short time, recognize when you are healing, and peace will follow.

One last, but most important thing — abuse is never right, and abuse is never okay.

Action Step - Prayer Time for Women:


"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." (Matthew 6:14 NIV)

Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. (Psalm 32:1 NIV)

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? UP to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV)

Heavenly Father, 

Sometimes, the abuse that I experienced rears up and bites back. I work hard to look upwards and not bend as I feel myself starting to sway here and there in the emotional winds. 

There is nothing more important in my life than you, Father. I praise you for forgiving me even when I sin. I praise you for loving me unconditionally. 

Please check my heart for any hidden malice or unforgiveness that may hold me back from healing, and may lead me to sin. Please guard my heart so my response to others is pure and reflects you despite any onslaught or abusive nature. 

Today, I pray specifically for _____________ . You are the healer, Father, I am only your daughter. It is not my job to fix or heal anyone...this comes from only you. 

In Jesus' Name,

Amen


Pray for forgiveness of sins. Pray for strength. Pray for the healing of others. Pray for those that strike against you. Pray for wisdom. Pray for God to clean your heart of any unforgiveness or malice that you may hold towards others. Remember, prayer — seek, knock, believe, and you will find.

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.