Category: Goal Setting and Prioritizing

Encouraging Others vs. People-Pleasing

What we do to encourage others, and to pray for one another, looks much different compared to people-pleasing.

When we pray for others and encourage them, we use our God-given gifts, and we give others hope. It creates a ripple effect, a positivity that is passed from person to person.

This isn’t about fixing another person or trying to make them happy so that we feel a sense of happiness (i.e., a co-dependent trait). It also is not about keeping the peace. Rather, it is a way ‘of being,’ a way of fulfilling the popular meme, Be. Kind.

When we encourage others we live our lives, including our work lives, as if we operated as a ministry…and actually, isn’t that what a Godly life is about?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV) 

I hope you enjoy what I am bringing to this site. In 2023, my goal is to write some 'shorter' posts and mix them in with the longer types that I usually publish. God Bless!

How to Identify and Align to Your Core Values

I love to talk about and work from core values in my coaching because so much of what we do in life is (and should be) based on our personal core values, such as the action steps that we take, decisions that we make, and how we react to certain situations.

Our beliefs, values, and ideas make up the foundation that we should be living mentally healthy lives by.

Identity vs. Core Values

You might be wondering what is the difference between identity and core values.

Identity is our qualities, beliefs, personality, and the overall mission that we follow in life (such as a Christian identity in Christ). Identity is also how we see ourselves.

Our core values are what we live life by. Our values reflect the things that matter most to us.

Why Core Values Matter

When we are aligned with our core values, we live our lives with clarity and direction.

When we are unsure of our core values we live our lives feeling as if something is just not right. In life situations, misaligned core values cause us to feel confused like something is missing, and this tends to bring on feelings of stress and unhappiness.

When we do not know our core values, or when we are not aligned with them, we may not live our lives with healthy mental boundaries. We end up with all sorts of mental discomfort because we allow circumstances in our lives that are not healthy for us, and this often happens before we are aware.

Guard Your Affections

“Above all else, guard your affections, for they influence everything else in your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Let’s talk about affections. Affections are the things that you care about deeply (from your heart). Affections are the things that you love and you guard with your life.

Affections are not personal property or material things.

This verse speaks to me that we must make sure that we are being led by the values that we hold in our hearts.

We can feel many things in our hearts. We can feel discontent, for example, and this may lead us to think, Whoa, wait a minute, this isn’t like me! Or, you might take notice, There’s something wrong with this picture.

We should base our foundation of how we live our lives, as well as our emotional health, on our core values. Every choice that we make in life should be based on our values.

When we look at Proverbs 4:23 again, we can also say that it teaches us to be true to ourselves—be true to our core values, and especially be true to who we are in Christ Jesus.

Discover Your Core Values

Coaching (question asking) is a wonderful tool for learning about ourselves, and for determining if we are (or are not) aligned with our core values. The number of questions that we can dive into is limitless, but today we are covering just a few. (Stay tuned for future PDF worksheets that you can subscribe to.)

If you consider yourself a Christian, answer the additional portions of the questions that reference God or Christ, etc. If you are not a Christian, no problem, you can skip that part of the questions, or answer the questions based on the higher power that you believe in or pray to.

  1. I want you to list the top things in your life that you would never stop doing regardless of what someone else says or believes. For example, if you love the Lord Jesus Christ, you may be dedicated to never stop growing for him, and you may believe that nobody can stand in the way of your faith. Additional examples: You might be devoted to life-long learning. You may be highly focused and dedicated to personal and professional development. These are the things that you will not give up to anyone or anything.
  2. Think about the past 20 years and list 5 to 10 characteristics of you when you were at your best…when you were living your best self out of your values. You weren’t feeling any confusion, discontent, or stress at this time. You may not have been living the same core values that you do today, but you were aligned with your values and this brought peace and a sense of personal soundness into your life. For example, you have been fully devoted to a ministry, to putting God first in your life, to a business that served people, or to a consistent balance between life and work or a business.
  3. List the top 10 values that you believe are required to lead a successful and full life. Write this as though you are leading future generations. Remember, success is subjective. What you value as success does not need to match what someone else considers a success (no need to mirror or compare here).
  4. Do you see any similarities in your answers so far? You may have pinpointed your core values already. We can learn a lot about ourselves at this point!
  5. What do you value? Try to choose at least 5 things that you value. You may value something that you do not see on this list, so go ahead and write it down! (The list of core values is included at the bottom of this blog.)
  6. Return to the values that you selected in step 5. Determine your top 5 values and list them. These are your core values. Are you still seeing similarities in your responses in this exercise? Most of us do, and this is so freeing (to know our core values). It helps us reaffirm who we are in our lives (or who we are in Christ Jesus).

As you answer the following questions, you should be able to literally use your list of core values as your guide. When you are aligned with your core values, your life focus hones right into place.

Would your friends or family members be able to guess what y our top values are based on your lifestyle? Do they reflect a Jesus-led life?

When you look at your daily or weekly activities, how do they reflect on your values? What changes can you make to align with your core values?

What do you want to achieve today to align with your core values? What do you want to achieve in the future (a month, or a year from now) to align with your core values?

I do not want you to live a life of confusion or discontent. I want you to align with your core values. Remember that small steps are just as important as those that are large…in fact, lasting change is often found when we engage in small steps!

Mission Statement

Consider writing a values-driven mission statement. Create a short statement that includes your top core values…nothing lengthy.

Example: Your top values are faithfulness, commitment, and peace.

To help women build strong foundations in faith and commitment so that they find and live in the true freedom found in God’s peace.

Your mission statement can be business or personal-based.

We Change All the Time

Keep your core values and your mission statement (if you should choose to create one) in a handy place. Review them months from now, or even a year or more from now.

As we learn, as we grow as women, our core values shift. It is okay to pivot or to reinvent yourself. With your most recent core values under your belt, and with God at your side, you will have the best compass to lead your life!

Have you worked with core values before? If yes, how did it help you?

Core Values List (see question 5)

  • Authenticity
  • Achievement
  • Adventure
  • Authority
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Beauty
  • Boldness
  • Compassion
  • Challenge
  • Citizenship
  • Community
  • Competency
  • Contribution
  • Creativity
  • Curiosity
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Faith
  • Fame
  • Friendships
  • Fun
  • Growth
  • Happiness
  • Honesty
  • Humor
  • Influence
  • Inner Harmony
  • Justice
  • Kindness
  • Knowledge
  • Leadership
  • Learning
  • Love
  • Loyalty
  • Meaningful Work
  • Openness
  • Optimism
  • Peace
  • Pleasure
  • Poise
  • Popularity
  • Recognition
  • Religion
  • Reputation
  • Respect
  • Responsibility
  • Security
  • Self-Respect
  • Service
  • Spirituality
  • Stability
  • Success
  • Status
  • Trustworthiness
  • Wealth
  • Wisdom
Action Step - Prayer Time for Women:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

Heavenly Father, 

I try to live my life in a manner that reflects you, but I sometimes fall short. Please increase my faith to help me avoid distractions, such as the lies that the enemy whispers in my ear, or the busyness of life itself which acts as a distraction. 

You created me a unique person, and you gave me a destiny that is mine, and mine alone. I praise you, Father, for doing this for me. 

Please guide me to focus on the characteristics that you created for me to live my life by. I want to be the best that I can be as I serve you. Please unlock my heart and open my eyes so that I find my identity in you, and you alone. 

Please give me the wisdom to walk the path that aligns with the vision that you have for my future. 

In Jesus' name, 

Amen

Have Patience

Have patience. When it feels like it is taking forever for your goals and passions to take on a semblance of motion, it may feel like it is ‘all wrong’. Do not quit. It may not be the ‘right time’, and when the time is right, you will know it. You will then receive all of the tools that you need to move forward. #godsplans #holyspiritled #patience

Journaling is a Form of Self-Care

www.maryhumphreycoaching.com journaling self-care

We all need self-care, right?! We are human and we are worth it!

Journaling is a form of self-care. It is holistic and mentally therapeutic.

Amongst the (way too many) positives to mention, journaling can help us control our moods, and to identify both negative and positive thoughts. Journal-keeping can also help us prioritize, work out fears, frustrations, and challenges.

“Journaling is like whispering to one’s self and listening at the same time.” – Mina Murray

Five Types of Journaling

There are no set rules for journal writing. Here are five basic types of journaling:

Personal Journal – Journal as if you are having a conversation with yourself. Period.

Pick up your pen and write about your day, and don’t leave out your thoughts and feelings. Write freely and do not hinder yourself with grammar or spelling perfection. Do not be surprised if you end up with a 6-page entry for one day. It happens…and it is a good thing! Remember, this is self-talk and you will learn MUCH about YOU!

Personal journaling can be a great relationship tool. You may describe how you are irritated at a loved one or confused about a co-worker, for example, and suddenly in the midst of writing, you gain a fresh perspective of the relationship. Writing is a quiet deep-thinking way to sort out what can feel impossible.

A personal journal is also a wonderful meditation tool. As you empty out your random (or otherwise) thoughts onto paper, you may unlock things from your mind as the words flow. Scary? Not so much. Think of the peace and resolve you can experience.

Prayer Journal – Write your journal in prayer to God. Consider writing your entries as praise, followed by prayer for others, and then write your personal concerns and prayer requests. If you are a writer, you may find it easier to write out a prayer than to speak it. It is normal!

Gratitude Journal  – End or start your day with a short gratitude post. What are you grateful for today? Write your items of gratitude out as a list, or as several sentences (or more) a day.

Health Journal – You can record a myriad of things in a health journal. What did you eat? What form and amount of exercise did you complete? What was your trigger food? When did you feel a boost of vitality (or fatigue)? Later, when you are happy with your results (or not) your journal can be a method for determining what worked and what did not.

Entrepreneur Journal – Record your observations after you meet with a client, after your day ends, or whenever your thoughts are rich with fresh ideas. Journaling is a great tool to help you analyze where you are at and where you want to go. Don’t forget to log your next action steps. This works, trust me, it does work.

Powerful Throughout the Day Journaling

Journaling is typically done once a day, but micro-journaling throughout the day adds a powerful punch to the results.

Imagine journaling prayer/gratitude/and celebration (of your accomplishments) into one short paragraph-length entry ‘as it happens,’ in real-time. It only takes a moment to jot the words onto paper, or on a virtual notepad on your phone.

Here is what it looks like (using Jane in this example):

12/9/20 He (God) has helped me to get the content for my new business published. I prayed for days because I did not know how to get this part of the business started, yet, I now realize that I accomplished what I thought was impossible, and I did it in His grace. It flowed out from me! I did all of this today…in just ONE morning!

So, in this example, Jane attributed her accomplishments to God. She noted that God had answered her prayers. She also gave herself a pat on the back for her achievements.

The sheer act of writing our achievements down is powerful, especially for someone that has trouble identifying these areas of celebration and accomplishment…which are important factors in awareness and self-worth!

Take away: Write it down before you forget it, write it down so you have words to celebrate your accomplishments by!

Sometimes, our accomplishments come to us as revelations, meaning, we learn something surprising about ourselves, or all at once we see what is on the horizon and feel empowered to take the next step. These are perfect moments to jot it down (journal throughout the day). It keeps us accountable and true to ourselves!

Journaling is Not Expensive

Even though there are many beautiful journals available in today’s marketplace, journal-keeping does not need to be expensive. Spiral notebooks are great for journaling. Imagine buying notebooks during back-to-school sales (I’ve paid as low as 10 cents a piece for spiral notebooks).

Do you journal?

Do you journal, or do you have plans to start journaling?

My New Year’s intentions are to continue micro-journaling throughout the day. It has grown to be a powerful tool in my life and business. We are busy people, which means we often forget our achievements, our fresh ideas, etc., and journaling is a way to keep it going.

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information and discussions about coaching, aromatherapy, and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment.

If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.

The opinions and views expressed on this blog and website have no relation to those of any academic, hospital, health practice, or other institution.

Words for the New Year: In the Present

Living in the Present www.maryhumphreycoaching.comI started the new year with no “words” for the year, meaning, no specific words to guide me in any particular direction.

As I look up at my white and bulletin board, I see a collage of many words, sayings, and scripture that I cannot say are “from the past,” as these endeavors are virtuous attempts that I do not assign completed-by dates to. After all, we are always a work-in-progress.

A week or so ago, the words “In the Present” lifted me up and nudged at my heart.

So, what does in the present mean to me? These three words tell me to live fully in the present moment, and this is a list of what I pledge to ensure it happens (in no order of importance):

  • I will pick up books and frequently read. I will read the books that I already own and I will purchase new books as the year progresses.
  • I will not overthink tomorrow. There is a difference between planning and worry.
  • I will breathe (relax) and just be where I am planted right now. Have you ever focused on your breathing and noticed that your heart rate goes down? I do this frequently on my FitBit.
  • I will work in God’s grace, meaning, I will not work at my own pace and with God’s strength—not mine.
  • I will enjoy every color, scent, or design in my environment as if I am looking at life through the eyes of a child.
  • I will laugh often. We forget to laugh, and laughter is an incredible and healing blessing. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 ESV)
  • I will not look back at the past (except to be joyous in what I have learned).
  • I will continue to rid my home of unneeded items (purge, live simply, declutter).
  • I will forgive (immediately) and hold no past grudges.
  • I will place no idols above God.

I am sure I have missed some promises-to-self in this short list, but that is okay because I am very much aware of my assignment, to live fully IN the present.

The last pledge, “I will place no idols above God,” deserves some explanation. When I think about idols my mind quickly forms images of statues and other material things that are a part of particular religions or spiritual practices. Idols can indeed be material things, but I describe idols as anything that we worship. This includes whatever frequently takes me away from my walk or time with God.  For example, I caught myself watching a plethora of YouTube videos on a particular Christian-based topic, but this went beyond worship or celebration (of God). I became nearly obsessive with learning about a group that is considered false teachers. I spent enough time researching the group that it became obvious to me that it was dragging me away from my bible study and prayer time. It definitely did not come from God. My interest became an idol. I repented and moved on.

I think about the Scripture, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatevever hard things come up when the time comes.” (Matthew 6:34 MSG)

There is a reason we’ve been told to not worry. I believe part is the reason is to protect our own mental and physical well-being. What good are we if we wear ourselves out into a state of illness? As I say after I don’t get a full restful night of sleep, “I don’t function well.” We must function well. Our lives, and how we serve others, depends on it.

Have you made any pledges for the new year? Did you start the year with “word(s) for the year”?

 

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

List five things that you’ve accomplished within the past seven days that you can give yourself a shout-out for.

  1. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  2. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  3. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  4. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  5. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Did you come up with five accomplishments?

During a trying period in my career, I said to my husband, “I feel I don’t have any self-Celebrateconfidence.” He corrected me. His words were, “I see you do this…and this…and this…and these are things that I personally cannot do, and many others wouldn’t even try to do. You do these things bravely. You put one foot in front of the other and you just do what is needed, and you get it done!” He asked me for examples of things that I felt I lacked self-confidence in, and for each case-in-point that I attempted to make, his responses fired back at me, “I don’t see that as lacking self-confidence.” My blood began to stir…how dare he not listen to what I was trying to say! Then, I got it. The key was what I had said, I had used the words “I don’t have any.” 

When we define our abilities with the words don’t have any or cannot (do it), we are throwing in the towel. We aren’t looking at the broad picture. We are wallowing in self-pity, and cutting our own breath off as we smother in our self-created muck.

Another beloved person said to me, “We aren’t supposed to boast, and finding that balance between boasting and patting ourselves on the back is not easy.”

No, my friend, it is not easy when you don’t take action — but I have learned to take daily steps that made those doubts disappear.

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Every single day name at least one thing, preferably two to three, that you’ve accomplished. What have you achieved? Keep a journal of these accomplishments.

Better yet, keep a jar full of accomplishments. On a tiny slip of paper, once a day write down what you’ve accomplished, toss it into the jar. You’ll see that jar fill up, and it will be a visual guidepost that triggers self-confidence.

Acknowledge Your Achievements

Don’t lose sight of who you are. Self-care is not a cardinal sin.

You feel you’ve made a mess of things (i.e. that project, or recipe, or you forgot to pay the bills on time…). So! What did you do that was remarkable? There is always something, always. Life is one big learning experience. Hold up your lantern and shine your light!

Begin your accomplishment journal today and let me know what you learn about yourself. Let your pen fly across the paper and lift yourself up with supportive words!

Goal Setting Based on Feelings

I am switching up my goal setting this year.

To throw an overworked adage out — instead of calling my pursuits goals, I am calling them intentions.

The word intention may not have enough “oomph” to it for me to stick with it, so I am mindful that one of my goals is to be gritty in 2018 — meaning, what I start, I WILL finish.

I became increasingly conscious of my perceptions several weeks ago after receiving Danielle Laporte’s The Desire Map planner. I read her corresponding book, and I dove into her process of mapping out goals based on core desired feelings.

As I gravitated into my own feelings, I warmed to the thought that the real outcome that I desire in life is not entirely about money, things, or a lifestyle, it is actually about how I feel at the end of the day. There is nothing wrong with nurturing our inner-self. Nothing! In fact, our inner-self speaks to us, and that can lead to stalling or shutting down, or it can lead to growth. Let’s all focus on growth today!

How do I really want to feel (being truthful and open here)?

Nourished — mind, body, and soul. Encouraged — I can do everything that I put my mind to do (We will always fear particular things in life, because it is human nature, it is to be expected and can be healthy, but never plug yourself with “I can’t do that!”). Do I want to live my life in a manner that raises me up to what I was designed to be (by my Creator)? Yes! What makes me feel at peace? Writing, sharing with others, making a difference in the world —even when that is only my small portion of the world. I intend to identify the steps that it takes to get me there — happy, content, comfortable that I am at my full potential — and that could be just by BEING. It could also mean eliminating things from my life that block me from heading in the right direction. It is a process.

How do you want to feel right now (today, tomorrow, at the end of the year )?

What brings the most peace to your soul?

What stops you from being at rest, from obtaining that deep level of fulfillment?

I combined all of these self-proddings with prayer and meditation. I asked God to help me find the correlation between my feelings and the outcome of my life, and how to set my life intentions to better myself, grounded within my faith. This has been a positive journey. Onwards to 2018!

How are you goal planning this year, or are you?

(I am not a paid affiliate of Danielle Laporte’s products. This blog solely reflects my personal opinions.)

 

The ABC’s of Overworked, Tired, and Burned Out

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We all have moments when we feel overworked or tired. Sometimes it is obvious that we need a break, but we are often so deep into overwhelm that we cannot pinpoint the why or what, or how to fix it.

The differences between how we feel and function when we are overworked or tired are very subtle, in fact, they can cross over.

Overworked

  • Decreased creativity and productivity in our work
  • Increased anxiety and depression
  • Decreased stamina, power, and speed
  • Decreased joy in life
  • Signs of early aging when overwork extends out over long periods of time

Fatigued

  • Emotions are unstable – shifting from irritable, short-tempered, to sad
  • Loss or gain of weight (too tired to eat vs. eating in hopes of an energy gain)
  • Unable to focus on exercise
  • Feeling of stress
  • Weak or short attention span
  • Signs of early aging when overwork extends out over long periods of time
  • Fuzzy minded

The feeling of being fuzzy-minded is the key difference between feeling overworked and feeling fatigued. When we feel overworked we may lose touch with joy, but we do not necessarily feel a lack of clarity. We still function as far as thinking is concerned when we are overworked, but we feel frustration and this drags us down in production.

In comparison, you can safely drive a car when you are overworked. In fact, you may feel you drive better under these circumstances. When you are tired your attention span is short. You do not think clearly, which narrows your driving ability down to unsafe levels.

Have you ever felt overworked, yet, everything felt blurred, to the point you could not figure out how to resolve it? You may have been overworked, but if the hammer had dropped the verdict would have been YOU WERE TIRED.

The steps to correcting overwork are:

  • Prioritize
  • Say no
  • Organize
  • Plan
  • Set limits (schedule work hours and stick to it)
  • Delegate

The steps to fixing tired are:

  • Get adequate sleep
  • Shut down early before going to sleep (turn off the phone and anything related to online)
  • Exercise appropriately
  • Eat well and drink water

Burnout is also close in line behind the symptoms of overworked and tired.

You may feel:

  • Most days are bad days
  • Exhausted nearly all of the time
  • Spend the day doing tasks that feel overwhelming or not interesting
  • Nothing you do seems to make a difference or feels appreciated

Burnout affects your body, home, work, and social life. It is like a shipwreck in progress. You hit a rock and the boat begins to fall apart.

Here’s what you can do to kick burnout to the curb:

  1. Manage stress – get it under control
  2. Increase social contact (but do not expect people to fix you)
  3. Exercise (focus on the health of your body…make it tick well)
  4. Find value in what you do (or just be, you don’t have to DO!)
  5. Balance life (life, work, friends, family, whatever you value in your personal world)
  6. Take time off (for YOU)
  7. Eat healthy and drink water
  8. Set boundaries
  9. Take a break from technology

What do these 9 steps do for you? #1, nourishment of creativity through increased health and relaxation. It is like closing a gate to something that sucks the life out of you.

This is your mission…watch your body and mind for signs of fatigue, burnout, or overwork. Know the difference between the three, and nurture yourself through awareness and prevention.

Small Steps Lead To Long Term Change

small steps saving money www.maryhumphreycoaching.comThere are so many things that a person can do to spark up a sense of achievement in their lives. The smallest of steps taken forward, what may even seem inconsequential at the moment, often amounts to huge lasting impact.

We decide to lose 30 pounds and at the 10 pound mark we purchase a single new item of clothing and what happens from there? We wear that new garment, even if it is purchased at a second-hand store (a treat for some of us, right?), with a gleaming sense of, “I feel good.” The gratification of wearing something new, an item that we can now fit into because of our efforts, boosts our confidence and creates an inward and outward change, which adds to our self-esteem. It adds encouragement to our thought process, and we continue going after the remainder of your weight loss! By the way, do not hang onto the old clothes as they become baggy. Give them away, clean that clutter out of your closet and your mind! The shear act of ridding our closet of the larger clothes, out of sight, out of mind, can lead to a lasting change of mindset.

You want to learn a new language, I’ll use Spanish as an example. We don’t have to spend a fortune to learn. I decided that I wanted to casually learn Spanish. So, I began reading the secondary lines printed on packaging (food, cosmetics), and even on the doors of buildings. I bought a drop-in-your purse sized handbook, Spanish/English to English/Spanish, and I check words out whenever I am curious. I ask my Hispanic friends and co-workers, “How do you say that in Spanish?” I have fun learning, and they certainly have fun when they hear my non-Spanish sounding rendition. Learning this language is rewarding and will be even more so as time moves forward as I have the opportunity to use it. I am reaching for a long-term goal and I am having fun while doing so.

Saving money works in a similar manner. Are you tired of not saving? $5.00 a week is a great starting point. Today, you save $5.00, multiply that by 52 weeks = $260.00 saved in one year. What if you upped that to $25.00 a week? You will have saved $1300.00 twelve months from now! Unfortunately, $25.00 does not seem to go far these days, but, let’s break the savings down into small chunks. Instead of spending $9.00 for lunch (out), bring lunch to the office twice a week. Instead of buying coffee out, carry it with you. Look at this math: $18.00 (lunches saved) + $8.00 ($15.00 + coffee saved) = $26.00 x 52 weeks a year = $1352.00 saved in one year. Once we get in the habit of saving, of accomplishing this one thing a week for ourselves, it can become lasting change. We prove to ourselves what we might have thought impossible and it sticks.

I’ve listed several ways small steps can lead to permanent and fulfilling life change. It is your turn. Jump in and share manageable steps that you have taken towards goals. How have these added value to your every day life and long-term goals?

 

 

Freedom: Decision Making Made Real

reaching for the sky www.maryhumphreycoaching.comI have mulled over one word these past few weeks: Decision.

This thought process came to a head on New Year’s Day, 2016. How fitting is decision for a new year, a new start…and I ask, how about making it a permanent thought process for the rest of your/my life?

As I have, you might want to print this post, or take notes. I tape reminder notes in places where I see them often. This is because a quick change of heart or mind can take place immediately, but lasting change, especially when it involves a mindset, normally involves an overhaul of life-time thinking patterns. We need reminders!

Decision. It is only an idea, a thought, until we take action.

“I made a decision today. I settled, concluded, chose, voted, made up my mind to ____________ (fill in the blank).” I may have decided to write a new book a year ago, but until I start writing the book, it is only a goal or aspiration.

What can we do to make our decisions stick? Take the first step, move it to the next level, and follow-up with subsequent steps until the decision becomes an action…until we can announce, “I did it!”

Procrastination is the killer of turning decisions into reality. (I raise my hand in admission to this fault.) Why do we procrastinate? The number one reason is FEAR. Bold faced fear.

So, what do we do now? We have this idea, this “decision,” and now we find our fear-filled selves saying, “Oh, perhaps I should not make that decision. I should not rock the boat. I should not create more work stress for myself. I think the best thing to do is nothing…” Yes, taking the easy way out. Is it truly the easy way out? No. What happens a week from now, or a year, or even a life-time later when we realize that we have never done what we felt called to do? We miss out. That is sad. We miss out on making a difference in our lives, or the lives of others. We fail to make our personal contribution to the world.

Face your fears. Stare them down. Study them. Know them inside out. Break them down into small manageable chunks (or crumbs). Change what you can and make the choice to ignore or forge through what you cannot change. Remember, we cannot change others, and we cannot change the world. We can only change how we react to it. You can only change you!

By breaking fear down, we discover the truth–real things that we should fear, which ultimately amounts to very little. We also become aware of our inner-generated story and falsehoods. The lies that we believe, and we are often monumental story tellers.

Meditate on people, those that you consider a mentor, or those that you admire. Think about the accomplishments of these people. Where would they be today if they used fear as an excuse in their lives? What if they never moved forward with an idea (made it a decision) because of self-doubt, “I am not (educated, beautiful, trained, smart enough, young enough, old enough).”

I made the decision to not accept the “what if’s” that surface in my life. The action that I took when I made that decision was to not mentally use any excuse, to only use good judgment. What if I make a mistake? What if I make the wrong choice? Growth is a bundle of both bad and good choices. Can we mature without a solid learning process?

Steps for the three F’s: Break down fear. Release your faith. Allow your faith to spread until there is no room for fear to survive. Experience freedom.

Keep moving forward, my friends. Move those feet, take those steps…advance. Turn those decisions into actions!