goal setting – MARY HUMPHREY COACHING

Goal Setting Based on Feelings

I am switching up my goal setting this year.

To throw an overworked adage out — instead of calling my pursuits goals, I am calling them intentions.

The word intention may not have enough “oomph” to it for me to stick with it, so I am mindful that one of my goals is to be gritty in 2018 — meaning, what I start, I WILL finish.

I became increasingly conscious of my perceptions several weeks ago after receiving Danielle Laporte’s The Desire Map planner. I read her corresponding book, and I dove into her process of mapping out goals based on core desired feelings.

As I gravitated into my own feelings, I warmed to the thought that the real outcome that I desire in life is not entirely about money, things, or a lifestyle, it is actually about how I feel at the end of the day. There is nothing wrong with nurturing our inner-self. Nothing! In fact, our inner-self speaks to us, and that can lead to stalling or shutting down, or it can lead to growth. Let’s all focus on growth today!

How do I really want to feel (being truthful and open here)?

Nourished — mind, body, and soul. Encouraged — I can do everything that I put my mind to do (We will always fear particular things in life, because it is human nature, it is to be expected and can be healthy, but never plug yourself with “I can’t do that!”). Do I want to live my life in a manner that raises me up to what I was designed to be (by my Creator)? Yes! What makes me feel at peace? Writing, sharing with others, making a difference in the world —even when that is only my small portion of the world. I intend to identify the steps that it takes to get me there — happy, content, comfortable that I am at my full potential — and that could be just by BEING. It could also mean eliminating things from my life that block me from heading in the right direction. It is a process.

How do you want to feel right now (today, tomorrow, at the end of the year )?

What brings the most peace to your soul?

What stops you from being at rest, from obtaining that deep level of fulfillment?

I combined all of these self-proddings with prayer and meditation. I asked God to help me find the correlation between my feelings and the outcome of my life, and how to set my life intentions to better myself, grounded within my faith. This has been a positive journey. Onwards to 2018!

How are you goal planning this year, or are you?

(I am not a paid affiliate of Danielle Laporte’s products. This blog solely reflects my personal opinions.)

The Damaging Excuses We Use

Making a choice to pursue a new avenue in life involves several actions: doing it, doing it later, or choosing to not do it at all.

Doing it now is the best choice, as long as we have a solid plan in place. A plan that includes specific and measurable goals to keep us on track. With this in place we remain focused on the outcome, and we do not walk down paths that lead us astray from our vision — picture a straight road versus a narrow one with sharp curves and branches that leave us wondering which way to go.

The decisions that we make in life that are “on a whim” are usually things that we have always wanted to do, but fear had always stood in our way. Think about that!

Not doing it at all is a good choice when we know our goal is not meant to be. These are dreams that make no sense at all, not even to ourselves, and they always lead to bad outcomes.

Doing it later can be a very dangerous choice if filled with procrastination. A decision to move ahead later, accompanied with a measurable and dated plan is smart, but we often allow excuses to follow close behind.

Major delay excuses –

I am afraid of change.
What if it does not work out?
What would people say?
I will do this after I feel less stress.
I will do this when I have more time.
I need to feel (physically) better first.
I have never done this before.

If you recognize yourself in any of these major excuses, ask yourself these questions: When will I not fear change? What is the worst thing that can happen if it does not work out? Does it matter what other people say? What would have to happen to make me feel less stress? When will I have more time? When will I feel better physically, and what can I do now to feel better/take a small step even though I do not feel 100%? How do I do it?

Minor delay excuses –

I’ll do this after my kids leave home.
I do not have the money.
My house is not big enough/too small.
I live in the wrong area.
I need training/education.

We make mountains of minor excuses. I call these types of excuses minor because they usually depend on some action in our life that is currently out of our immediate control (but are do-able or fixable). If you see yourself in any of these, or similar excuses, ask yourself: What can I do today to move one small step closer to making this happen? Is this a valid excuse, or can I move towards my goal today even though I am in these circumstances? Can I take a class next week (even a free one to just get started)? Can I rent a space or a room? Can I rent a room out? Can I commute several times a week? How can I fund this today? How can I save a small amount of money beginning today? Can my children, or spouse, help me in large and small ways, and how do we/I implement that change?

Be Careful with Your Verbiage

Be mindful of your verbiage. Notice if you are using wording that is non-committal. What you say may end up being what you think, followed by what you do not do!

Look at the differences in these statements:

“I think I can do it.” versus “I know I can do it”, or, “I will do it.”

“I may try it.” versus “I am trying it,” and better yet, “I have scheduled a date and time to do it.”

Motion is Movement

The day you take the first step, the day you take action, you are making the choice to move forward. You are in motion. Motion is measured by movement — and not at all by speed!

God speed to you!

~~~~~~

Mary L Humphrey, LBC

Paint your life masterpiece today!

Questions for Discovering Your Life Mission (Reaching the Pinnacle)

When we are not familiar with our own life mission we never quite reach the pinnacle where we feel complete, and if we come close to that highest point, we aren’t aware that we have arrived unless we have striven for it with purpose.

There are several steps that help to identify your life purpose, and I have some easy questions that will get you started in that direction.

Find a private place, free of interruptions, and take out a pen and paper. Answer each of these questions truthfully. Write down the first thoughts that come to your mind, and allow yourself no more than 30-60 seconds for each response. Do not change your answers. Feel free to gear your responses towards relationships, work, hobbies, events, and projects, whatever comes first to your mind.

What are you doing when you are at your happiest self?
What are you doing when you forget your problems, when you are so engrossed that you do not notice the minutes and hours passing by?
What are you doing when your work does not feel like a burden?
What gives you the most energy (do not answer with coffee, stimulants, or sleep)?
What accomplishments have you made that became positive markers in your life?
What do people typically ask you for help with?
What do you want to learn (class, experience, skill, etc.)?
If you were given the chance to teach, what topic would you choose?
Who do you admire, and what are the overall values and qualities that draw you to them?
The setting — you are in a tranquil and peaceful place, near the end of your full life, describe what your life achievement look like. List them out.Take your time on this one.

Now, notice how you feel. Notice the patterns in your answers. Circle the key action and value words that you have listed (6-10 in total). Mine key words were: encouraging, writing, coaching/teaching, family and friends, beauty (nature), spiritual, fearless business. From this, I see a passion for encouraging others through writing, which is a form of coaching and teaching, through a spiritual base (mine is Christ-centered), and in a fearless manner of business (to help others).

This is the start to writing a mission statement, which will be continued as I teach it in my upcoming class.

I would love to hear what you have discovered today! Commenting is urged and open now…

Share – Encourage – Grow

Mary Humphrey, LBC

Is it Rain or Shine? How To Handle the Discourager

Sit here with me, get comfortable, and let’s talk about dealing with naysayers.

Dictionary.com defines a naysayer as “a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views.”

These defeatists, people that drain our energy, try to put our fresh ideas on the chopping block by saying:

“I’ve heard other people say it did not work for them.”
“That is something too new, nobody has heard of it.”
“You can’t make money doing that.”
“You are a women, your family and husband come first.” (Yes, they are important…but, take care of you so you are able to be there for them.)
“Really, you want to put yourself through that torture?”
“Been there, done that,” or “It’s already been done.”
“You don’t have enough experience or skills.”
“It is unproven.”
“I love you so much. I want only what is best for you, but…”

The list goes on from here.

1) Consider what the killjoy (i.e. they kill your joy) has to say, but only long enough to ask yourself if their concern is valid. Meditate and pray, while keeping your emotions out of the equation. Do their concerns hold value in the sense that this could be a valid warning for impending failure?

2) Look at the history of the naysayer:
What are they an expert at, or are they an expert at everything (or anything)?
What have they succeeded in at life?
Are you in their best interests, or are you a threat because you might succeed at your goal(s)?
Is the naysayer generally optimistic or pessimistic?

3) Ask yourself these questions:
Are you unique (because someone else failed, will you also fail)?
Have you thought your decision out (the pro’s and the con’s)?
Are you willing to take on a unique career or business, or make that challenging life move?
Who are you making your life decisions for? Your immediate family, God?
Who is afraid of change more than you are?
Who sees you as a threat?

4) The answers to these questions should set the naysayer in their place, without you uttering a sound (remember…forgive and forget). Always consider what they have to say, weigh it out sensibly, and then go!

Never, ever, are you going to please everyone, nor is everyone going to agree with you. In fact, most journeys start out pretty lonely — you take off with your own set of ideas, and isn’t that the way it should be, unique to you? God didn’t design us alike – there are no exact replicas.

Daily Goal Setting

Daily goal setting does not need to be complicated.

Ask yourself, “What are three things that I must complete today that I cannot/must not push off to tomorrow?”

Applying too much pressure to yourself – by giving yourself more than three important priority tasks to complete in one day – can result in a plan that is too difficult to accomplish.

When setting daily goals:

be specific (A vague goal is seldom achievable!)
leave room for the unplanned (Interruptions and day to day life always happen!)
leave time for yourself (reading, exercising, hobbies, quiet time, etc.)
break large goals down into smaller steps that can be accomplished in one day

Breaking your tasks down to a 3-item priority list sets you up for achievement! Today, you did it! Tomorrow, you wake up with a fresh slate, and you are free to set new goals! In fact, I recommend setting your three goals the day before. You’ll set your goals while they are hot on your mind, and you’ll avoid waking up wondering, “What do I need to do today?”

Make at least one of your daily goals a small (or large step) that helps you reach a much bigger long-term goal. Remember – it is better to take one tiny step towards success, than it is to do nothing at all. Small steps add up.

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. – H.L.Hunt

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