Reminder: Slow Down to See the Obvious

puzzling frustration www.maryhumphreycoaching.comI am in the process of building a website for my coaching business.

When the new site name jumped out at me (it is exactly the message that I want to convey), I scooped up the domain and began the process of pointing it to the website. I’ve been through this process numerous times so I felt it would be a smooth deal. I knew I would have a published website in no time flat.

After waiting 24 hours, I discovered that I had input one DNS number incorrectly. There would be no additional stumbling blocks ahead, right?

After I returned home from work the following day, I eagerly logged onto my lap-top to check out my new website. No. Nope. Na-da. The site still had not published.

Nearly a full week later, 6 days to be exact, with my head feeling like it was in a whirlpool and swirling downwards fast, I decided to push my stubbornness aside and I requested help from live chat. I carefully laid out the history of my troubles, and I asked, “What am I missing?” The chat person asked me for my domain name. After a pause, they replied, “Nobody owns that domain.” In disbelief I typed, “No way!” I quickly erased the words as reality sunk in.

Was it possible? What had I done? WiseWomenOfNobleCharacter was WiseWomanOfNobleCharacter. In my hurry, coupled with a lack of sleep, and in the pursuit of getting something important finished (all too) quickly, I had missed my new business website name by one character.

What happened that day is a common occurence…caused by speeding through a task, allowing frustration to take the lead, coupled with looking for a big problem, when indeed it was, and often is, something small.

My friend, Kayla, of Red Cedar Bison, and Selah Press, was operating the booth at her local farm market that morning. She posted on her Facebook page, “You know your market samples are good when we are nearly out of samples by 10 am. One lady said the sample was like a party in her mouth.” Kayla is one of the most optimistic women that I know. As simple as her statement was that morning, it spoke to me clearly. I was not working in a cheerful way, and I was rushing through what could have been a joyous time. How was I with giving out samples (of smart coaching), if I was only raising my blood pressure and running on the fuel of a flustered spirit?

Moral to this story: Take your time. Ask for help. Get enough sleep. Don’t expect big things to go wrong, and inspect the small things. Enjoy the process! Do not detract from the creativity that you possess!

Moliere said it well, “The trees that are slow to grow bear the most fruit.”

(By the way…I purchased both domain names. If I made that mistake, so will someone else. Covered.)

A New Moment to be Anxious About Nothing

refresh www.dreamstime.comWhen we hit the key to refresh our computer screen it accomplishes several things, but the main thing it does is clear the path that allows our computer to operate on a fresh new page. By doing so, we erase the junk that was slowing progress down.

Gone went the past. Restored and unimpaired came the new moment.

We do not have an easy button in our human anatomy for refresh, but we can virtually select it to unload heaviness. Just how dense and burdensome is the unseen waste from yesterday, this morning, and a few moments ago? Are you ready to give yourself a new moment to be anxious about nothing?

Clear. Refresh. Breathe.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with life’s changes? Break it down into 5 steps.

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Feeling overwhelmed by the little transitions in life is one thing, these types of bumps in the road tend to pass quickly. Sometimes, though, all of the moving parts drag out and become feelings of overwhelm.

Seeking the Truth

If you find yourself in a period of challenge filled with life changes, ask yourself, “What is the truth?”

Is the truth that you have too much to do, and can you cut some of your responsibilities out? Can someone else help during your time of transition?

Is the truth that you are experiencing normal ‘small things’ or transitions in life, and that each piece will pass? Or, are you dealing with one or two larger issues that you must address in order to move forward? Is there nothing that you can do to make these one or two larger issues go away? If there is nothing that you can do, then your truth is that you need to let it go – release it mentally.

Is the truth that you are doing too much for others, and possibly ignoring what you need (or must) do for yourself? Is the truth that you need to learn to say no to others in order to take care of your own self? It is okay to take care of yourself. It is okay to say no to others in order to engage in self-care. It is more than okay…and in fact, it is necessary!

5 Steps to Help Sort Out Overwhelm

When the many cause(s) to your overwhelm seem larger than life and affect your daily successes try these 5 steps:

  1. List the issues or items that you are leading your stress.
  2. Assign a life transition title, such as, financial, relationship, home, work, business, to each item.
  3. Determine the outcome you want for each item.
  4. List one step that you can take today towards reaching that outcome.
  5. Make the choice to take that action!

When we are caught up in frustration and stress, we fail to realize that many of life’s changes are natural and common shifts. By breaking them down, and assigning a title, we see each transition with objective eyes.

By taking one small action step today, you can claim progress!

Reach Out to a Listening Ear

Sometimes, it takes an extra pair of eyes or ears to help us sort through overwhelming transition periods in our lives. When you seek a support person, you should reach out to someone who will be honest with you, and someone who cares. This can be a life coach, a counselor, or a close friend or family member (depending upon your emotional and mental needs). Remember this one thing, it is okay to seek help!

Summing this up: Life will always be in some form of transition. Learn to handle each change objectively from the start. Develop a mindset that recognizes the feelings of stress and nip them in the bud with “What is the truth?” questions. Avoid the self-limiting thought pattern, “I will be happy/stress free once (this) happens/changes.” Instead, determine what you can do (small steps) as soon as you notice lingering stress, and determine what you cannot do (and let it go). It is a process!

Women Returning to Work at Mid-Life

I am journeying back into the work-force as I see the approach of my 60’s. I will be giving you glimpses into this journey through this blog. So, those of you considering a mid-life return to the career world, follow along with me.

A few initial pointers from a recent job-seeker (me):

A simple resume’ involves deep thought. What experience do you have? Be honest, of course, but do not be afraid to be creative. I have been self-employed for 14 years, so I included all of the “hats” that I have worn in my resume’. Also, use an up-to-date resume’ template as your guide.

Go into the interview with confidence. Ignore the horror stories about employers that only want to hire young adults. Remember, you are settled in life…meaning, your children are raised, and you know what you want, and you know where you want to go with it. You also have a strong work ethic. This is exactly what a potential employer needs to hear!

To be point blank with you, going back to work feels liberating. We still “have what it takes,” right? Yes! We can step right back in and pull that weight, right? Yes! We are more than capable!

My desire to return to my career began with an urge to help others, to be a part of the team, and to help a woman that needed to retire. Then, my own desire to bolster the income (and health insurance) of my family kicked in.

You never know where God and life will lead you, and I believe we should all remain flexible, to the point we do not look at change as something of a burden, instead, look at it with shear wonderment. Go forward and do what you need to do in t(His) world! Then, tell your story.

Mary Humphrey

Mid-life coaching partner, women with purpose and mission-filled lives.

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The Damaging Excuses We Use

motion www.maryhumphreycoaching.comMaking a choice to pursue a new avenue in life involves several actions: doing it, doing it later, or choosing to not do it at all.

Doing it now is the best choice, as long as we have a solid plan in place. A plan that includes specific and measurable goals to keep us on track. With this in place we remain focused on the outcome, and we do not walk down paths that lead us astray from our vision — picture a straight road versus a narrow one with sharp curves and branches that leave us wondering which way to go.

The decisions that we make in life that are “on a whim” are usually things that we have always wanted to do, but fear had always stood in our way. Think about that!

Not doing it at all is a good choice when we know our goal is not meant to be. These are dreams that make no sense at all, not even to ourselves, and they always lead to bad outcomes.

Doing it later can be a very dangerous choice if filled with procrastination. A decision to move ahead later, accompanied with a measurable and dated plan is smart, but we often allow excuses to follow close behind.

Major delay excuses

  • I am afraid of change.
  • What if it does not work out?
  • What would people say?
  • I will do this after I feel less stress.
  • I will do this when I have more time.
  • I need to feel (physically) better first.
  • I have never done this before.

If you recognize yourself in any of these major excuses, ask yourself these questions:  When will I not fear change? What is the worst thing that can happen if it does not work out? Does it matter what other people say? What would have to happen to make me feel less stress? When will I have more time? When will I feel better physically, and what can I do now to feel better/take a small step even though I do not feel 100%? How do I do it?

Minor delay excuses

  • I’ll do this after my kids leave home.
  • I do not have the money.
  • My house is not big enough/too small.
  • I live in the wrong area.
  • I need training/education.

We make mountains of minor excuses. I call these types of excuses minor because they usually depend on some action in our life that is currently out of our immediate control (but are do-able or fixable). If you see yourself in any of these, or similar excuses, ask yourself: What can I do today to move one small step closer to making this happen? Is this a valid excuse, or can I move towards my goal today even though I am in these circumstances? Can I take a class next week (even a free one to just get started)? Can I rent a space or a room? Can I rent a room out? Can I commute several times a week? How can I fund this today? How can I save a small amount of money beginning today? Can my children, or spouse, help me in large and small ways, and how do we/I implement that change?

Be Careful with Your Verbiage 

Be mindful of your verbiage. Notice if you are using wording that is non-committal. What you say may end up being what you think, followed by what you do not do!

Look at the differences in these statements:

“I think I can do it.” versus “I know I can do it”, or, “I will do it.”

“I may try it.” versus “I am trying it,” and better yet, “I have scheduled a date and time to do it.”

Motion is Movement

The day you take the first step, the day you take action, you are making the choice to move forward. You are in motion. Motion is measured by movement — and not at all by speed!

God speed to you!

~~~~~~

Mary L Humphrey, LBC

Paint your life masterpiece today!

 

Clutter Haunts – Free Your Mind

unclutter www.maryhumphreycoaching.comMy husband, Bob, recently took over a work space after a co-worker retired. The day Bob transitioned to this new position his boss said, “This belongs to you now, clean out what you need to make it work for you.”

Along each wall, on top of each work table and bench, and in every nook and cranny were old pieces of equipment, parts, and unorganized containers of nuts and bolts. Much of it was so outdated that the only worth was a trip to the scrap metal yard.

Soon, Bob’s boss was noticing the uncovering of the workspace, as well as an income from the “scrap.” There was also a semblance of efficiency, and work that was being completed.

What happens in situations like this, where we get buried under the clutter?

Truly, I believe in this, (un)clutter the space = (un)clutter the mind.

Much happens when physical clutter is removed. Problems get solved. Renewal of the mind happens. Energy flows like a river of new hope.

Our minds work much like a cramped and cluttered work space. When we gloss over circumstances that do not meet our value system, or when we ignore situations that we do not feel like repairing, it gets added to a stack. It piles up. It does not go away, it gets buried, and it’s shear existence haunts us.

There is only one thing that clears clutter — action.

Add one small step to each day to clear the disorder – whether it be a closet, the trunk of your car, an apology that was needed 6 months ago, a step towards finding a new job, or an evening taken off from work to be with your family (instead of overtime in the office).

Clear the stuff that buries and smothers your life.  Action adds up…it restores your air, one tiny space at a time.

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Is it Rain or Shine? How To Handle the Discourager

naysayer www.maryhumphreycoaching.comSit here with me, get comfortable, and let’s talk about dealing with naysayers.

Dictionary.com defines a naysayer as “a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views.”

These defeatists, people that drain our energy, try to put our fresh ideas on the chopping block by saying:

“I’ve heard other people say it did not work for them.”
“That is something too new, nobody has heard of it.”
“You can’t make money doing that.”
“You are a women, your family and husband come first.” (Yes, they are important…but, take care of you so you are able to be there for them.)
“Really, you want to put yourself through that torture?”
“Been there, done that,” or “It’s already been done.”
“You don’t have enough experience or skills.”
“It is unproven.”
“I love you so much. I want only what is best for you, but…”

The list goes on from here.

1) Consider what the killjoy (i.e. they kill your joy) has to say, but only long enough to ask yourself if their concern is valid. Meditate and pray, while keeping your emotions out of the equation. Do their concerns hold value in the sense that this could be a valid warning for impending failure?

2)  Look at the history of the naysayer:
What are they an expert at, or are they an expert at everything (or anything)?
What have they succeeded in at life?
Are you in their best interests, or are you a threat because you might succeed at your goal(s)?
Is the naysayer generally optimistic or pessimistic?

3) Ask yourself these questions:
Are you unique (because someone else failed, will you also fail)?
Have you thought your decision out (the pro’s and the con’s)?
Are you willing to take on a unique career or business, or make that challenging life move?
Who are you making your life decisions for? Your immediate family, God?
Who is afraid of change more than you are?
Who sees you as a threat?

4) The answers to these questions should set the naysayer in their place, without you uttering a sound (remember…forgive and forget). Always consider what they have to say, weigh it out sensibly, and then go!

Never, ever, are you going to please everyone, nor is everyone going to agree with you. In fact, most journeys start out pretty lonely — you take off with your own set of ideas, and isn’t that the way it should be, unique to you? God didn’t design us alike – there are no exact replicas.

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