Life's Challenges & Choices · Managing Fear · Managing Stress

The Reality of Fear

The reality of fearFear, as intangible as it is…we cannot lasso it with a rope and pull it in, yet it can affect our moment, day, or weeks if we allow it.

So, why allow fear to take control?

Fear is an emotion caused by the belief that something is dangerous.

Fear stifles us into either not moving forward or retracting from where we are in the present.

The next time fear holds you in its grasp, face down the falsity of this evil emotion, and embrace the reality that unless you are suddenly faced with something dangerous that you cannot change—you can always get away from the lie. Kick this four-letter “F” word—fear—out of your ballpark…and don’t sell tickets to its return!

Believe & Invest In You · Goal Setting and Prioritizing

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

List five things that you’ve accomplished within the past seven days that you can give yourself a shout-out for.

  1. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  2. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  3. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  4. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
  5. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Did you come up with five accomplishments?

During a trying period in my career, I said to my husband, “I feel I don’t have any self-Celebrateconfidence.” He corrected me. His words were, “I see you do this…and this…and this…and these are things that I personally cannot do, and many others wouldn’t even try to do. You do these things bravely. You put one foot in front of the other and you just do what is needed, and you get it done!” He asked me for examples of things that I felt I lacked self-confidence in, and for each case-in-point that I attempted to make, his responses fired back at me, “I don’t see that as lacking self-confidence.” My blood began to stir…how dare he not listen to what I was trying to say! Then, I got it. The key was what I had said, I had used the words “I don’t have any.” 

When we define our abilities with the words don’t have any or cannot (do it), we are throwing in the towel. We aren’t looking at the broad picture. We are wallowing in self-pity, and cutting our own breath off as we smother in our self-created muck.

Another beloved person said to me, “We aren’t supposed to boast, and finding that balance between boasting and patting ourselves on the back is not easy.”

No, my friend, it is not easy when you don’t take action — but I have learned to take daily steps that made those doubts disappear.

Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Every single day name at least one thing, preferably two to three, that you’ve accomplished. What have you achieved? Keep a journal of these accomplishments.

Better yet, keep a jar full of accomplishments. On a tiny slip of paper, once a day write down what you’ve accomplished, toss it into the jar. You’ll see that jar fill up, and it will be a visual guidepost that triggers self-confidence.

Acknowledge Your Achievements

Don’t lose sight of who you are. Self-care is not a cardinal sin.

You feel you’ve made a mess of things (i.e. that project, or recipe, or you forgot to pay the bills on time…). So! What did you do that was remarkable? There is always something, always. Life is one big learning experience. Hold up your lantern and shine your light!

Begin your accomplishment journal today and let me know what you learn about yourself. Let your pen fly across the paper and lift yourself up with supportive words!

Goal Setting and Prioritizing

Goal Setting Based on Feelings

I am switching up my goal setting this year.

To throw an overworked adage out — instead of calling my pursuits goals, I am calling them intentions.

The word intention may not have enough “oomph” to it for me to stick with it, so I am mindful that one of my goals is to be gritty in 2018 — meaning, what I start, I WILL finish.

I became increasingly conscious of my perceptions several weeks ago after receiving Danielle Laporte’s The Desire Map planner. I read her corresponding book, and I dove into her process of mapping out goals based on core desired feelings.

As I gravitated into my own feelings, I warmed to the thought that the real outcome that I desire in life is not entirely about money, things, or a lifestyle, it is actually about how I feel at the end of the day. There is nothing wrong with nurturing our inner-self. Nothing! In fact, our inner-self speaks to us, and that can lead to stalling or shutting down, or it can lead to growth. Let’s all focus on growth today!

How do I really want to feel (being truthful and open here)?

Nourished — mind, body, and soul. Encouraged — I can do everything that I put my mind to do (We will always fear particular things in life, because it is human nature, it is to be expected and can be healthy, but never plug yourself with “I can’t do that!”). Do I want to live my life in a manner that raises me up to what I was designed to be (by my Creator)? Yes! What makes me feel at peace? Writing, sharing with others, making a difference in the world —even when that is only my small portion of the world. I intend to identify the steps that it takes to get me there — happy, content, comfortable that I am at my full potential — and that could be just by BEING. It could also mean eliminating things from my life that block me from heading in the right direction. It is a process.

How do you want to feel right now (today, tomorrow, at the end of the year )?

What brings the most peace to your soul?

What stops you from being at rest, from obtaining that deep level of fulfillment?

I combined all of these self-proddings with prayer and meditation. I asked God to help me find the correlation between my feelings and the outcome of my life, and how to set my life intentions to better myself, grounded within my faith. This has been a positive journey. Onwards to 2018!

How are you goal planning this year, or are you?

(I am not a paid affiliate of Danielle Laporte’s products. This blog solely reflects my personal opinions.)

 

Believe & Invest In You · Managing Stress

The Value of Partaking in Hobbies

hobby

I love hobbies. Hobbies are uplifting because we do what we love without adding any perfection or time pressures. Hobbies are a positive slice in the balance of our lives.

The wonderful thing about hobbies is that they can turn into businesses, doing what we enjoy and making money at it. Win-win.

Today, I am focusing on the benefits of hobbies, not so much the business end (when the hobby becomes work).

A hobby is defined (by Webster’s) as “doing something we love in our spare time.” Meaning:

  • We aren’t getting paid for our hobbies.
  • Hobbies help to relieve stress.
  • Hobbies are an excellent way to vanish burnout.

If you do not have any hobbies, but feel you need one, here are several ways to seek a hobby out:

Dig into your past. What did you enjoy doing that you might want to do today? What do others do that you might want to do?

Visit places you do not normally frequent, and be mindful of your interests:

  • Antique store
  • Hobby store or show
  • Auction
  • Second hand store
  • Flea market
  • Farmer’s market
  • Tool store
  • Music store (instruments and recorded music)

Read DIY books. Either purchase the books or visit the library. You Tube is also a great way to discover interests.

Finding a hobby that fits your personality is important. If you have little patience, you might not want to select a hobby that requires weeks, or months, to see the end results. If you lack in patience, pick up a project that can be finished quickly.

I believe hobbies are important to us in life. Our hobby may be as simple as collecting books or music, or collecting beads for jewelry, but this is time that is invested in us, which invokes creativity, and eases stress out of our core.

What hobbies do you partake in? These are some of mine: jewelry making (wire earrings and bracelets), aromatherapy (certified, but enjoy delving in just for me), sewing (aprons, yes, I lack in patience but love this hobby), reading (How many books are you currently reading? Depends upon your mood, right?), writing (I keep journals, which is the hobby end of my writing), soap making (was a business, now a great hobby).

Goal Setting and Prioritizing · Life's Challenges & Choices · Managing Stress

The ABC’s of Overworked, Tired, and Burned Out

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We all have moments when we feel overworked or tired. Sometimes it is obvious that we need a break, but we are often so deep into overwhelm that we cannot pinpoint the why or what, or how to fix it.

The differences between how we feel and function when we are overworked or tired are very subtle, in fact, they can cross over.

Overworked

  • Decreased creativity and productivity in our work
  • Increased anxiety and depression
  • Decreased stamina, power, and speed
  • Decreased joy in life
  • Signs of early aging when overwork extends out over long periods of time

Fatigued

  • Emotions are unstable – shifting from irritable, short-tempered, to sad
  • Loss or gain of weight (too tired to eat vs. eating in hopes of an energy gain)
  • Unable to focus on exercise
  • Feeling of stress
  • Weak or short attention span
  • Signs of early aging when overwork extends out over long periods of time
  • Fuzzy minded

The feeling of being fuzzy-minded is the key difference between feeling overworked and feeling fatigued. When we feel overworked we may lose touch with joy, but we do not necessarily feel a lack of clarity. We still function as far as thinking is concerned when we are overworked, but we feel frustration and this drags us down in production.

In comparison, you can safely drive a car when you are overworked. In fact, you may feel you drive better under these circumstances. When you are tired your attention span is short. You do not think clearly, which narrows your driving ability down to unsafe levels.

Have you ever felt overworked, yet, everything felt blurred, to the point you could not figure out how to resolve it? You may have been overworked, but if the hammer had dropped the verdict would have been YOU WERE TIRED.

The steps to correcting overwork are:

  • Prioritize
  • Say no
  • Organize
  • Plan
  • Set limits (schedule work hours and stick to it)
  • Delegate

The steps to fixing tired are:

  • Get adequate sleep
  • Shut down early before going to sleep (turn off the phone and anything related to online)
  • Exercise appropriately
  • Eat well and drink water

Burnout is also close in line behind the symptoms of overworked and tired.

You may feel:

  • Most days are bad days
  • Exhausted nearly all of the time
  • Spend the day doing tasks that feel overwhelming or not interesting
  • Nothing you do seems to make a difference or feels appreciated

Burnout affects your body, home, work, and social life. It is like a shipwreck in progress. You hit a rock and the boat begins to fall apart.

Here’s what you can do to kick burnout to the curb:

  1. Manage stress – get it under control
  2. Increase social contact (but do not expect people to fix you)
  3. Exercise (focus on the health of your body…make it tick well)
  4. Find value in what you do (or just be, you don’t have to DO!)
  5. Balance life (life, work, friends, family, whatever you value in your personal world)
  6. Take time off (for YOU)
  7. Eat healthy and drink water
  8. Set boundaries
  9. Take a break from technology

What do these 9 steps do for you? #1, nourishment of creativity through increased health and relaxation. It is like closing a gate to something that sucks the life out of you.

This is your mission…watch your body and mind for signs of fatigue, burnout, or overwork. Know the difference between the three, and nurture yourself through awareness and prevention.

Introvert & Personality Types

Introvert or Extrovert? Why Should I Know?

introvert extravert difference www.maryhumphreycoaching.comThe nerd in me loves to consider personality types. I especially love the topic of introverts and extroverts. The most important thing that I have learned when it comes to personality is you cannot change the spots on a leopard. Instead, I now see that we need to understand our differences and embrace them.

Do you know which type you are, an introvert or an extrovert? I am an introvert.

I am not writing this article to pinpoint every personality plus or minus about introverts, just those that are prominent, such as:

Introverts Dislike Small Talk

I used to beat myself up when I felt tired after experiencing a period of lengthy small talk, or after a long social gathering. I didn’t understand that this is the introvert fabric that I am made of! So, I put the self-inflicting ball bat away and I began nurturing who I am.

Introvert Career or Business Paths

Introverts typically love to write and are interested in psychology, especially when it includes self-discovery or introspect. Other independent areas of interest to introverts often include accounting, engineering, computer programming, and counseling. All of these areas either currently interest me, or have been a past career except for engineering and counseling (I chose the role of life coach rather than counseling). Knowing that my interests are common to introversion helped me remove my seeking to be normal out of the equation. I am a normal introvert.

Introverts Dislike Meeting Strangers

Experts also say that introverts feel uncomfortable meeting strangers. This is the only trait I personally disagree with because I love – adore – meeting strangers.

Introverts and Extroverts Love People

Introverts are not shy. They do not dislike people. They are great counselors and coaches because these careers and businesses require excellent listening skills.

Extroverts love people. Introverts love people as well, but extroverts are energized by socializing with people. Extroverts are great in sales, marketing, human resources, pretty much any job where they can stand on their feet and think, literally and verbally, all at the same time.

Introvert and Extrovert Listening Skills

An introvert might need to listen, step back, think about situations or ideas, and then return to them later. An extrovert is eager, ready to make on-the-spot decisions, give their two cents with little or no thinking time required. This reminds me of what the diet experts say, “Everything is okay in moderation.” Everything, such as introversion or extroversion (in moderation) is okay!

Benefits of Being Aware of Personality Types

Pinning personality stereotypes on people is not fair, nor is it smart. But awareness of what our differences are, and how we’re uniquely made, can be uplifting and beneficial to each and every one of us. We learn:

  • To accept other personality types. It teaches us to be patient.
  • To talk less, and listen, or talk more and practice listening at the same time.
  • To walk closer to the middle of life’s road rather than in the safety or emergency breakdown lanes.
  • To make wise decisions. To listen, study (to think first), and then make decisions!

How has your life benefitted from knowing or understanding the personalities of others? Has your personality type (introvert or extrovert) affected how you manage your career, business, or life itself?

Believe & Invest In You · Goal Setting and Prioritizing

Small Steps Lead To Long Term Change

small steps saving money www.maryhumphreycoaching.comThere are so many things that a person can do to spark up a sense of achievement in their lives. The smallest of steps taken forward, what may even seem inconsequential at the moment, often amounts to huge lasting impact.

We decide to lose 30 pounds and at the 10 pound mark we purchase a single new item of clothing and what happens from there? We wear that new garment, even if it is purchased at a second-hand store (a treat for some of us, right?), with a gleaming sense of, “I feel good.” The gratification of wearing something new, an item that we can now fit into because of our efforts, boosts our confidence and creates an inward and outward change, which adds to our self-esteem. It adds encouragement to our thought process, and we continue going after the remainder of your weight loss! By the way, do not hang onto the old clothes as they become baggy. Give them away, clean that clutter out of your closet and your mind! The shear act of ridding our closet of the larger clothes, out of sight, out of mind, can lead to a lasting change of mindset.

You want to learn a new language, I’ll use Spanish as an example. We don’t have to spend a fortune to learn. I decided that I wanted to casually learn Spanish. So, I began reading the secondary lines printed on packaging (food, cosmetics), and even on the doors of buildings. I bought a drop-in-your purse sized handbook, Spanish/English to English/Spanish, and I check words out whenever I am curious. I ask my Hispanic friends and co-workers, “How do you say that in Spanish?” I have fun learning, and they certainly have fun when they hear my non-Spanish sounding rendition. Learning this language is rewarding and will be even more so as time moves forward as I have the opportunity to use it. I am reaching for a long-term goal and I am having fun while doing so.

Saving money works in a similar manner. Are you tired of not saving? $5.00 a week is a great starting point. Today, you save $5.00, multiply that by 52 weeks = $260.00 saved in one year. What if you upped that to $25.00 a week? You will have saved $1300.00 twelve months from now! Unfortunately, $25.00 does not seem to go far these days, but, let’s break the savings down into small chunks. Instead of spending $9.00 for lunch (out), bring lunch to the office twice a week. Instead of buying coffee out, carry it with you. Look at this math: $18.00 (lunches saved) + $8.00 ($15.00 + coffee saved) = $26.00 x 52 weeks a year = $1352.00 saved in one year. Once we get in the habit of saving, of accomplishing this one thing a week for ourselves, it can become lasting change. We prove to ourselves what we might have thought impossible and it sticks.

I’ve listed several ways small steps can lead to permanent and fulfilling life change. It is your turn. Jump in and share manageable steps that you have taken towards goals. How have these added value to your every day life and long-term goals?